Wow, Kindeyes, what a thought provoking thread you have shared.
You could have been describing me, with your posting, pretty much.
I am just , sad to admit this, finding out how big a problem codependency is.
The older I get, the less good it feels.
I think my codependent behavior started as soon as I began to try to be different than my self-centered, alcoholic parents. I think it was my mission to be everything that they were not, even in parenting. Which was good to a degree, but now I see how it only gets worse, the more my children grew up, the more I wanted to make them feel they still needed me. Ugh, this isn't easy to admit, is it?
I wanted the world to think I was a good person, caring and fair. I am far too sensitive, and always ready to defend someone who is being unfairly treated. Sometimes that is ok, but sometimes it was obvious I was doing something that they should have done for themselves.
I find I have some anger, because this has not brought the happy ending I thought it would someday.
I am having to learn how to live, what to do, how to be happy with the boundaries that must be respected-theirs AND MINE. Because this is a family disease- this codependency-just like alcoholism affects the whole family. I thought if I did not drink, that I had survived the mess. Little did I realize that I left with baggage that would weigh me down for my whole life.
I am wondering if I even know who I really am?
Thank you, for sharing, and for reading this. It truly is progressive, just like alcoholism, if you don't learn better.