Whoa, KE....
I think I have a lot to think about.
My personality has always been to be the bigger person, and don't engage in conflict. I was bullied in school. I can't watch ANY movies at all, aside from comedies. Action, scary, love stories, or anything else that made me feel ANYTHING, were too much for me.
I am VERY sensitive, especially when it comes to my 2 teenagers. A therapist once said to me "I don't know about you, but I wouldn't want a teenager, who is all over the place, dealing with growing up, in charge of MY moods". Their words and actions hurt me to the core. You see, I don't like my mother, felt very ignored by her, and always wanted to be a mother, sure that I could do it better.
That being said, my son, who is 16, I wake up every morning, and while he's in the shower, I make his breakfast, and when he sits down in the chair to watch ESPN, I deliver him his breakfast, and beverage.
I DEFINITELY did, and continue to do things for my kids that they can do for themselves....
Hmmm.. thinking back though...
I remember once my parents were fighting. I was probably about 10 or 11. I was outside in the neighbors yard playing and heard them yelling. I went home, sure that if I was there the fighting would end. It did for a little while and I felt safe so I went back, and it started again. So I sat in the treehouse and cried. I remember hearing my mother tell my father that night after I was in bed, that she was upset because he had choked her....
Trying to control that situation....does that deem me a child codependent?
My dad that I spoke of, is actually my stepdad. He adopted me at 5. My bio father was in my life (sometimes) and was ok with it, which is a whole different story...
Whenever my bio dad called, and I spoke with him, as young as 6, I remember feeling so guilty. After the call I'd climb into my (dads) lap and say I love you dad. Don't be sad. I didn't want him to be jealous, or hurt that I tried to be nice to my bio dad.
Codependent? Trying to control others emotions? This is the most rambling, all over post I have ever shared. I apologize.
Any response or insight will help me find my way to recovery.
Thanks KindEyes, for starting this. I hope we can help a lot of others while sharing ESH