LMN,
I was just having this conversation with my friend. I have been trying for almost a year and I am not sure I can do it anymore. When my bf first went to rehab and came home I thought hey we can get through this. Wel he relapsed and hid it from me. Then went back to rehab. When he was gone the second time I just felt so hurt and disappointed, but thought it was just another bump in the road. Well things were going pretty good or so I thought. Then things just didn't add up or make sense and when I questioned it all got turned around on me. You know how that goes
I guess my breaking point was being told that I was not supportive and that I wasn't doing enough. I really didn't think there was possibly anything else that I could do. He basically told me he was "done" I was to tired to even argue. So I figured maybe this would be a good time think about things. I ordered the codependent no more book as well as a few others and started to do things such as working out. I realized that I am very codependent and was exibiting behaviors that were literally making me crazy. Working on"me" made me realize many things. I lost myself. I was tired, upset, anxious, felt physically and mentally drained. I was not happy at all and pretty much lied probably as much if not more than my addict bf. pretending everything was ok when it wasn't pretending to be happy when I just wanted to cry. I have been working out, went and bought myself new clothes and just focused on me. I haven't had contact with my bf for a few weeks. I told my friend today that I felt so guilty saying that I felt great! I am getting sleep! I am not up all night worrying, searching, wondering, questioning etc. I think it all can't up to me the last year and just not sure I can do it. After reading the books and doing a lot of soul searching I am beginning to think that maybe it's best if we part ways. I might not be good for his recovery as he may not be good for mine.