It's hard to understand that is what never about you, but it was never about you. You can be drop dead gorgeous, brilliant, witty, rich, etc. He still desires the alcohol first and foremost. You find that hard to understand because you're thinking like a normal sober person. He isn't. The mid-brain is where alcohol does its work. That part of the brain deals with the basics of survival...eat/sleep/reproduction/fight or flight, etc. Reptiles only have a midbrain, they only understand survival. The part of the brain that is responsible for compassion, empathy, love, etc is not communicating with the mid-brain in addiction. The alcohol causes that. The A only knows to survive and feel right they need the drug. So it's not about you. He is not aware of the hurt he has caused. He isn't capable of feeling compassion or love due to his current state. He is not relationship material.