Anathaine - do you have your bank and ID cards now?
You can let him go, you just don't believe it yet. You have so many things to try and deal with right now, you really need some real life support. Is there no-where you can turn to? No-one other than "John"?
Please think hard about where you could go for support and then stake a step towards it/them. And keep posting, support is here too.