LMN
No. It doesn't sound cold hearted or selfish or any of that. It is simply how you feel.
As impurrfect stated....when I finally made the decision to leave the marriage and file for divorce.....it had taken me years of trying to make it work first. I had reached a point of fatigue so overwhelming that I had to do something about it. My XAH also made all of the promises, he said he'd made terrible mistakes and wanted to make it right again.......but I had nothing left to give to him. I was tapped out. It was a little too little a little too late.
I'm not suggesting you take the path of leaving your marriage....so please don't take it that way. I'm simply saying.....I understand how you feel.
Take care of you.
gentle hugs
ke