Bewilderment, I don't have much more advice to give because the replies you have gotten so far are basically perfect....I want you to know that I was in the same boat as you 4.5 months ago (feel free to read my old threads) and although as far as I know he didn't propose to anyone, he had a new gf/enabler within 2 months if not sooner.....the pain was endless. Here is what I found out....everything these people tell you is true, why? Because they all walked in our shoes at one point and they loved their As as much as we did and at one point thought that their A was the love of their life whom would never hurt them....Secondly and unfortunately, you are in the grieving process and the only way to get through it is to go through it: it just takes time, truly allow yourself those feelings, do not be hard on yourself, do not underestimate your own trauma, grieve and slowly it will get better....trust me. Do not contact him, you will only feel worse, I texted him so much the first 2 months because I was convinced he had gone mad and had made a mistake....he never responded, he just severed me completely, almost 5 months now with no contact ever from him....save your dignity, you will be so much happier in the end. Read, read, read, educate yourself as much as you can on alcoholism and addiction, it will make you understand why he did the things he did and never ever beat yourself up....it was never about you, it is about him. It took me a long time to understand that I was powerless over the alcohol and I later found out also, a cocaine addiction. Take care of yourself, surround yourself with people that love you, reach out to those on this forum, seek counselling and you will get better....4 months ago I would not have been writing this....4 months later, I hope I have helped you. Take care of yourself, you deserve to be loved, you will survive it, I promise. -Hugs.