I'm so glad that you did post KRob. I think everyone 'stumbles' upon the right things when they need them the most. The fact that you have awakened, and know that you cannot control your drinking once it begins, and bad things tend to happen is fantastic. It's exactly the same way with me. There's no telling where I'll end up or what I will do once I start. And before starting there's is rarely a thought to the consequences.
'I'll be alright this time. This time I'll control it'. 'This time it'll be fun, and I'll have a great time'. lol.
That's the insanity of alcoholism. And I believe it really is insanity. To a non alcoholic person it certainly would be. If I drove my car without brakes people would say 'Mate, you're insane, think of what might happen'! But that's what I do when I drink.
I don't have an alcohol brake!
Welcome.