Originally Posted by
Lyoness 
Great question! My DOC is different but I do the same thing. I thought I was the only one, terminally unique, eh, that felt the need to use when I feel good. It's like I just don't know what to do with myself if I am feeling good or happy; I'm much more used to feeling anxious and depressed. So I actually needed to alter those happy feelings to a place that was more familiar to me. It does help to know I'm not the only one.
It's amazing to me that I can get used to being miserable and have that be my comfort zone. I guess it's just going to take practice to learn how to feel okay and comfortable in the times when I feel good. And then learn how to make more of the times when I feel good than when I feel bad. Sometimes happiness is so frightening to me, it's just not a place I've lived in for over 45 years. It'a a long, slow learning process.
Thanks for posting this. This is something that's a roadblock to me that I don't understand the why of but recognise in myself. It does indeed help to know I'm not the only one. Participating on this forum and the ripples that seems to have in my 'real' life has brought this more starkly to my attention. I expect that in time I'll let go of my particular melancholic comfort zone. I'm not saying it makes alcohol an option, rather it is an area of myself, a big one it seems, bigger than I have been ready to admit, that needs attention.
