My "favorite" is coming round in a hospital bed having been beaten within an inch of my life by some cheery nightclub bouncers and left for dead in a dumpster. Found by a passer by who called the police. Boy did I milk that one for sympathy along the lines of "totally unprovoked attack - nothing to do with me - no idea who they were - they jumped me from behind." The only part of that that's true is the last bit.
My wife was at home with a new-born and frantic with worry. And the scary thing is I still went back to drinking.