Oh, ouch. I'm sorry.
That was your old life. This is your new life. Like the old 70s movie, "Alice Doesn't Live Here Anymore," you've moved on and you're not the same person. You are stronger every day. We all have *(&&% in our lives that make us wince to think about, and some of them aren't even alcohol-related. We did them sober. At least I did them sober. Don't let guilt, shame and remorse do a car-jacking on your life and make you drive to the liquor store. Hang in there, and toss the dang box.