I have lost several jobs over the past 5 or 6 years due to my alcoholism. I know exactly how you feel. I told one company to to just throw out my stuff and walked out of the building. They kept calling me saying they have all this crap of mine in a box at reception. There was no way I was showing my face there again. That person wasn't me and I doubt anyone from that job would recognize me today without the puffy face, blood-shot eyes, and 'beer belly'. On to newer, hopeful things!