"They're manipulative. They're liars. They're selfish and self-centered. EVERYTHING is about them. An addict's number one rule is: HOW CAN I GET WHAT I WANT?"
Addicts are not good people. You keep trying to figure yours out as if he's some normal guy. He's not a normal guy. He's an addict. Imagine this - you see me looking at a cow and I'm complaining that it doesn't meow, it doesn't purr, it doesn't drink milk, it doesn't chase mice, it doesn't jump, it doesn't cuddle, and on and on and on. I'm guessing you would look at me and say "Cerene, that's not a cat. That's a cow." Then I say to you, "I know it's a cow but it doesn't meow, it doesn't purr, it doesn't drink milk, etc." You would think I didn't understand what a cow does. That's what I'm saying to you. He's not a nice, normal guy. He's a guy you met in the throes of addiction. And addicts - using addicts and brand new in recovery addicts - are not nice people. They're liars, they're manipulators, they're self-centered, they're selfish, and they're sick.
What you want from him isn't a lot. It's really not. But it's more than he can give you and it's more than he wants to give you. You keep being confused about why he's not acting right but if you realize his main priority is "HOW CAN I GET WHAT I WANT?", it all makes sense. He's been who he is from the beginning. Basically, look at his actions more than his words and you'll spot a user every time.
He's being a jerk because he knows he can. You've allowed him to lie to you and be mean to you and you're still there, questioning yourself on what you've done wrong, and he'll use uncertainty against you. For example, sticking by him while he was away. To some people that's loyalty; to the addict, it shows you're boundaries are not strong. Most emotionally healthy women would have bailed when they realized how messed up he was. Since you didn't bail, he thinks you're not emotionally healthy. And while everyone may deserve a second chance, usually they get that chance after they've proven themselves. You're heavily invested in this relationship and he has no track record of success. He told you a bunch of words and you fell for them. He knows he hasn't done anything to deserve you sticking around so it has to be less about him and more about your neediness. Not saying it's true, but that's how it looks to the addict. I always knew the guys with the super man complex when they offered money for bills, drove me all over town running errands, bought me gifts, or got out of bed at 3 am to pick me up from a club or someone's house and we had just met. They weren't nice. They were desperate. And they got used. Seriously. Addicts latch on to desperate. And then you told him you had abandonment issues? Not good.
"Many people here are saying he's not a nice person....From my experience i have seen more nice gentle kind mannerisms more tender sincere moments from this.man than nasty beligerent obstinance. Absolutely. He is supportive and loving he is affectionate and interested.....regularly." You just posted about him not being a nice person. You just said he was not meeting even the smallest expectations, he was lying, he was getting aggravated with you, and he blew off your birthday. You said he's been like this since rehab. Now he's a great boyfriend? I'm guessing what you're referring too are words, at the beginning of the relationship, that required no effort and definitely don't match his actions. Maybe step back and do a timeline of your actual relationship. You may be able to see how much he really hasn't done for you.
If I know addicts, and I do, he'll call you eventually. Once he's finished doing whatever he's doing - using, cheating, whatever. At least to check in. An addicts will NEVER, EVER burn a bridge, without a serious reason, because he might need you for something later on. Even if he doesn't like you anymore, he'll call eventually. I personally wouldn't answer.
I have to say it --> SAVE YOURSELF! RUN, RUN, RUN!