Yes anvil you are right. When I was focused on me, and being detached with love, the thought of him coming home and working our respective programs felt good. It sounded doable and encouraging.
You are right I do not know exactly what the delivery is and that thinking about it sent me into a nightmare. I see I have created all of it and ruined my serenity. Ugh.
I just want to be clear headed and calm and feeling secure in myself. That is a lot to ask, but it is what I want. When I am clear I believe we can talk it through and find solutions and I can honor myself and my boundaries. I will keep breathing and praying that I can get there.