Well.....he did it...
He graduated the program. I was working mine...which he did not like....and after acting like I have been a bother to him, one day....out of the blue...he just stopped all contact.
But not before he played games, blew me off, made a million excuses about why he coildn't talk to.me. Soooo indicative of how it was when he was actively drinking...
No contact now verbally since Friday night at 530pm and text msg since SAT. Morning.
Today is.my birthday and i have been in distraught, crazy grieving, feeling used and abandoned.....
Someone in this thread stated that if he was initially a recovering heroin addict and waited three months to tell.me that certainly means he is not in rrcovery...
However, now he had been working this program (or so i thoight) becaust it was mandatory. Now that he is an employee, making money, having power abd a sense of control in his life....the meetings became second third proority..work is first. Period.
He got what he wanted out of me and out of the program....and itvall worked to his manipulating advantage.
Anyway, i am desperately trying fo not blame myself for him pretty much abandoning me....without one word one text one phonecall or email.
I am.in an incredible amount of pain and honestly wonder what does recovery of an A/AH look.like?? Real recovery?
Whatever the substance.....what is true being in active recoveey mean?
Is it just not drinking/using and sporadically going to a meeting here and there?. Can you be in recovery with no sponsor? Would the A or AH be still lying, sneaking, manipulating, avoiding? Would athe A/AH be handling a breakup like this? Just because he livijg and working in a 'sober living' (which btw, the majority of the 100+ residents are still actively using...whether drink.or drug)
Ive been reading and came across "what addicts do"...powerful and i read it outloud everytime.....it hits hard to.my core.
Soooo what does recovery look like? I need to know me. My sanity.....my health..
I am maintaining the no contact....however people say he will try and make contact at some point....but i have a strong feeling i will never hear from him again. Which of course would be a good thing....but i need an understanding that what he is doing is unhealthy for anyone in active recvoery...
Right now the crazy making has gotten so.bad and now has infiltrated my head.....that it feels very much like that he is the healthy one and by the looks of it....seem while i am.a basketcase mess and trying to pick up the pieces of this life.
Now he is apparantly happy go.lucky..no worries in the world, and to.me it just seems like an act until.he gets his next fix.
I realize that i was his fix to.some degree...then when that started to wane? He started to binge until.near death on many occassions. Then the fix/high of getting clean, the adrenaline rush of that.....then the fix/ of him being in sober living for only 2 mo....and was already prmosed a paid kitchen mgr position (he is a chef by trade) once graduated from thjs program is complete. So instaead of workibg the humble jobs like everyon else there....he started the job anyway deslote the no pay til graduation.
Work was also.another one of his addictions....
Now he has the fix/high of acceptance, free rent for a private room inside the facility, a paycheck, a job and the power which he manipulated often (ie: they love me, i can get away with anything, they overlook stuff for me, etc.) I coikd see over the last 2-3 wks since formally starting this ppsition that be was becoming like a ferociuos animal with the job. Never getting enough done, working when he wasnt on, and worst kf all the same people he was working with 2-3 wks ago...were the addicts and AH they were his peers...
Now? H would call then morons, junkies, stupid etc. and looking down on them like they are useless. Once peers now he powers over them.with being their boss......
He does not identify or equate himself as an addict/AH like them....maybe because of his race or education or that he didnt grow hp in the projects like most of these guys.....
He sees himself better than them (this is in Newark, NJ) No gratitude, gratefulness or most certainly no humility or grace.
So I am perplexed......if he or anyone is in acfive recovery....would behavior like this still be so.prevalent and so all.consuming?? Sounds a lot like bkrderljne white knjckling even though he is LIVING inside a rehab facility.
Personally I think its only a matter of time before he either relapses or finds ankother big fix to get that high he needs.
Or am i totally off the mark and this is what active recovery is? His track record fkr the past 19 yrs at least has been no more than 6-8 mo max before he cannot stay inside a situatioin and needs a new "fix"...
As mjch as this thread sounds like its about him....its really about me trying to.make some semse and have some type of peace. I am.not going back. Im worth more and dont deserve this treatment or lack thereof....I know i may never get closure from this situation....but i am determined to find some peace and wisdom along the way.....
Thanks so much....