Alanon and Counseling are key...
...another key, for me at least, was that I started to attend a weekly open AA meeting even though I'm not an alcoholic. I don't share there, I just listen, but the group has welcomed me even though they know I'm an Alanon person and it has really served to completely change my opinion of alcoholics as human beings. It has not changed my opinion about alcoholism, nor the behavior of alcoholics not in recovery, but it has helped me not hate-- and it's helped a lot.
Take care,
Cyranoak