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So Disgruntled it's showing at work and other places

Old 03-07-2013, 07:51 PM
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So Disgruntled it's showing at work and other places

Hello All,

Just sort of venting here, but also looking for coping tips. I had reached my rope's end in January when I finally decided no more- no more A's in my life every again and I have never felt better about the decision.

Thing is is that I have noticed a lack of enjoyment about things where people even talk about drinking or coworkers want to go out for a drink or someone cracks a joke about drinking. I find it hard to hide my disdain for drinking and alcoholics. I mean, I don't lash out or go on a tyrade or get on a soap box, but I just don't like having to hear about what others somehow consider funny with regards to drinking.

I also used to not have any problem just getting one drink with coworkers or responsibly enjoying adult drinks with someone because I was always a 100% responsible drinker and could take or leave it anyway.

Will I ever enjoy simple things like going out for a drink with the girls or not showing my outward hatred of A's in simple conversations? I feel like a downer when I sort of slipped in a casual work conversation about not liking people who drank too much...I didn't say it like that, but I eluded to it. I know I need to sort of shut my mouth at work, but I feel angry at the same time that I have to tolerate a world full of alcoholics who I allowed to harm me for years.

I also get pissed that it seems like I cannot meet anyone who can handle emotions without drinking or drugs- I know there must be people out there who can handle feeling feelings without drinking/drugging.

Maybe all of my pain is so old and so fresh and new all at the same time that I just have to go through this angry phase, but I don't want to be the total jerk no one likes to speak to because I cannot hold back from saying how much I hate drinkers. *sigh*

Anyway, thanks for letting me vent. If you have any hope, advice, etc. about how to deal with life after getting away from A's, please share...
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Old 03-07-2013, 08:02 PM
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I think I will let others respond because I haven't been in your exact situation. But I want you to know that I sympathize and do understand how ones feelings could be hard to hide when faced with a situation involving alcohol.

Yes there are people whose lives dont revolve around drugs and alcohol. My advice if you haven't done it yet is to join Al Anon and work the steps - it will help you immensely to recover from your A and the other A's in your life.

Congrats on leaving, you deserve a happy life and you will have it. ((((HUGS)))) Red.
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Old 03-07-2013, 08:13 PM
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Thanks redatlanta. I logically know there are others out there somewhere who do not use alcohol/drugs to deal with life, but sometimes I think they are hiding under rocks, far far away from me and I cannot find them. LOL

It seems like every corner I turn someone is abusing substances and I just want to run away from it all- I want no more of it in my life. yuck...
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Old 03-07-2013, 08:35 PM
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Well you are corresponding with one - I seldom if ever drink. No drugs - never was my thing - had lots of friends who did especially in our 20's and it didn't bother me. I was a much heavier drinker in my 20's and grew out of it.

I think its hard to find people who don't drink to be honest. I don't care to be around drunk people but I am not sensitive to alcohol use the way you are. Use of it doesn't bother me - a glass of wine or two - if I am with a group usually by the time they are hitting on 3 or 4 I am on my way home. I think you will find eventually that you will be able to not be as affected by it, and can certainly exit a situation if you are bothered.

As for those with alcohol and drug PROBLEMS I stay far, far away. Simply not interested.
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Old 03-08-2013, 07:38 AM
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KittenBoo, are you in AlAnon? It would really help you put everything in perspective and bring more peace about all of this. There is no avoiding alcohol in this society, but not all drinkers are A's. It's not fair to blame all because of a few. And in the end, that only hurts you by interfering with your own serenity.
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Old 03-08-2013, 09:56 AM
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kittenBoo, like yourself, for about a year after, I would get a queasy feeling when people would make jokes about someone else's drunken escapades. Didn't find it funny at all. Probably because my wounds were still raw.

Coming up on almost two years now, I can once again go to the wine bar, enjoy a glass of wine with some girlfriends, and laugh the night away. The first year I pretty much isolated myself, I was avoiding everything, and everyone, and that's not the quality of life anyone wants to live. I would do work related functions, but I just could not allow myself to go out with some friends and have a glass of wine. I guess I thought I would be a hypercrite.

No doubt being involved with an active alkie is going to leave scars.

I refuse to let XA addiction define ME. I am not him, i do not have a problem and i will be damned if i am going to carry his unaddressed problems around with me for the rest of my life.

Give yourself some time, it will get easier, friend.
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Old 03-08-2013, 10:54 AM
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I go out with friends sometimes, and I definitely see red flags around. In the past my experiences going out were with my AH and a lot of the drinking was excessive (playmates and playgrounds). I find myself re-learning how to relate to people in various situations.

I don't care to be around drunk people but I am not sensitive to alcohol use the way you are. Use of it doesn't bother me - a glass of wine or two - if I am with a group usually by the time they are hitting on 3 or 4 I am on my way home. I think you will find eventually that you will be able to not be as affected by it, and can certainly exit a situation if you are bothered.
Me too. Just last weekend, I went out with some friends for a birthday thing, and a guy I'd never met was there and plastered. I left the party earlier than the rest because I didn't want to deal with it. It wasn't an open wound or anything, I just saw the red flags for a problem drinker and had a difficult time celebrating after he got really wasted. And, as my mom always said, nothing good happens after midnight. In the past, I would have stuck around out of some sense of obligation and just felt uncomfortable. That's silly.

After all I've learned here, however, I can definitely see disordered thinking around alcohol and drugs in some of my peers. It's just information, and I'm filing it away.

The only real issues I have with drinking/drinkers is with my in-laws. They've made no effort to learn about alcoholism, enable both of their kids to the nth degree (AH is an alcoholic and his sister is a problem binge drinker), and sabotage my AH's progress. My rage at their ignorance and continued partying is definitely born of resentment -- why me? why us? why can't they just [fill in the blank]? So if this is something you want to get around, perhaps interrogating that resentment is worthwhile.
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Old 03-08-2013, 11:05 AM
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Alanon and Counseling are key...

...another key, for me at least, was that I started to attend a weekly open AA meeting even though I'm not an alcoholic. I don't share there, I just listen, but the group has welcomed me even though they know I'm an Alanon person and it has really served to completely change my opinion of alcoholics as human beings. It has not changed my opinion about alcoholism, nor the behavior of alcoholics not in recovery, but it has helped me not hate-- and it's helped a lot.

Take care,

Cyranoak
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Old 03-08-2013, 12:47 PM
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Dear KittenBoo, I understand what you are saying. After I drew boundries with my own personal alcoholics---I had to make adjustments, also. I became KEENLY aware of drinking everywhere I saw it---similar to you.

Since I had not grown up around alcoholism (and I am basically a non-drinker--although I have been known to drink), I think I was too tolerant of alcoholic behavior for a long time.

Now, I do not let PROBLEM drinkers into my personal life--at all. It is impossible to avoid all drinkers in this society--and, certainly ALL drinkers are not alcoholic. I have become pretty good at identifying the difference, lately.

I have (GRADUALLY) learned to mind my side of the street--and attend to my own personal boundries. It does no good to preach or to take other peoples inventory. However, I don't laugh when others think alcoholic escapades are "funny". I also leave a situation that makes me too uncomfortable. If I go out with others that are drinking, socially, I usually don't drink--or just have one drink. I don't explain myself. If things get out of hand--I politely excuse myself--and get the H** out of there!

I understand the feeling that EVERYONE must be a heavy drinker. There definitely are so me circles where this is TRUE!! Heavy drinkers like to group themselves together--I helps them to feel "normal" and validated.

I will say, though, that this world is made up of millions of happy, productive, and fun people who do not drink---or are not problem drinkers. ***Perhaps the universe is sending you a message?? If you have found yourself surrounded by only heavy drinkers--to the exclusion of non-drinkers---maybe this is a sign al that you need to make some changes in your environment. Maybe, it is time to expand your boundries and make some life-style changes. To do new things. I think we all get into "ruts" in our life. It may be time to step outside of your own comfort zone and meet new people, go to new places, and to do new things.

What do you think????

sincerely, dandylion
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Old 03-08-2013, 01:12 PM
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Dear KittenBoo, I"m loving the picture of your tabbycat. What is his name/backstory??

I could eat him up.

dandylion, Lover of Cats
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Old 03-08-2013, 10:57 PM
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I hear you on the distaste for alcohol-related stories, and I had to remove myself from a conversation at work today. I have a coworker who finds inappropriate things funny (he laughs at EVERYTHING, strange man, long story), and today he tried to draw me into a conversation by yelling across the room to me, "Hey, did you hear that, hahaha, we have a drunk driver here, hahahahaha!" What the frack?! I just muttered something like "yeah, that's not funny" from across the room and went back to my work. I also have another coworker who is in his 50's and he must think it makes him cool with the younger crowd in the office to put extra emphasis on his drinking when he tells stories of dinners out, bowling night, etc. I usually just "mmmhmm" and go about my work when he goes on like that.

I just don't want to be around it or hear about it at this point. My husband is fresh out of rehab and stories about drinking just make me sick to my stomach. Maybe in the future, I'll get better about it, but at least for now, I just don't want to hear it. Too raw, too many bad memories.
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