Mr. Christian - I am going to be blunt here. Yes you are so in need of this person. You are addicted to her. Just like she is addicted. You know the damage that it is doing to yourself but you still do it. The same as the addic. You read the steps but are you applying them? Sometimes we need professional help. We get so depressed that we can't pull our selves out of it. Talk to your doctor if you have reached this point. I had to and I fought it all the way. It didn't make the problem go away but it helped me deal with the pain so I can concentrate more on my steps.
I'm sorry for being blunt. But I care. I recognize myself in you. Don't let this wipe out all the good hard work you've put into it.
B