Hard to figure out my feelings on the drugs being in the house like I said.
Obviously, I have been with him a year while he was actively using and I accepted that. I also was aware that he most likely used drugs when he stayed with at my house sometimes, and that he could have them on him at anytime. I accepted that. So I dont know why finding them there hidden upset me so much. Part of it is because he lied and said he forgot, and part of it is because he lied and said there was no more and there was more.
But in my mind I also know that lying is a symptom of addiction. Being truthful and admitting
1) he needed to have them in my house for convenience
2) he had to hide them because he knew it was wrong to be using it especially when time spent at my house is time spent not alone, but always with me playing some role. This goes to his addictive need of the drug.
3) he has no reason for having not disposed of it when he decided to quit, except a part of him doesnt want to quit, and he has to admit this to me and himself.
4) if he admits it is hard, then he is also admitting he is weak, and he is ashamed of that, and feels guilt with that.
I dont have it all squared away yet in my head.
He is still at an early point where his active use doesnt show up in his behavior, so I am not running away just because he has this hidden problem. I still think he wants to stop, but there is a battle going on inside him. Ive never expected it to be easy for him, and I dont care if he does a perfect job of quitting. I dont think there is like a textbook model.
But for now Im going to do as I said, and figure out my feelings. He had a doctors appointment this afternoon, so he will have someone to talk to if he needs to.