Kitten, Erika, Anvil,
there is definitely not any co-parenting going on. Until 4 months ago, I lived in his hometown and was having to endure this kind of crap on a daily basis.
Then I got a job offer in another town, asked his permission to move - was screamed at and raged at for asking - accepted the job, went to court to have geographic restrictions lifted. Won.
BUT XAH dragged children through the mud and it made them so upset and me so upset and I am really not over it. That's what is becoming clear to me.
I cannot have any communication with him because it's all an excuse for him to rage at me. It's NOT good for the kids, and i know he does not leave them out of it, but I can't change him or control him. The most I can do is limit their visits - which are now every other weekend instead of 5 x a week for one reason or another when we lived in the same town.
His parents were also all up in my business. It was not good for the kids then, and it's not good for them no, but it is better.
I don't think I did anything wrong or that I have anything to apologize for. I agree that the children are worked up about going to see him. They love him and enjoy him, but that tension and anxiety are very real.
I am getting them into counseling asap now that I have heath insurance.