bunkie65

Hi, I have been so busy with school and work and well trying to find a balance with the father of my sons while he is in nactive addiction, I have not been here in a while. Thank goodness I have found time for my alanon meetings or I would be a mess! Sucked back in to my will! Which is and has been being with the "love of my life who is an active addict. I have a 20 year on off relationship with him. We have 2 sons 17 and 15.

My post is in part a gratitude post. Thanking each and everyone of you awesome loving people, for sharing your experience, strength and hope! I currently have contact with my ex, my choice. I allowed my self to do this thinking I could maintain a balance and keep the focus on gods will and not mine. At first I could. In slippery situations (which active addiction is), I slip! I began to loose sight of gods will and seek my own (being in a relationship) with him, knowing that gods will is not for us to be in a romantic relationship until he is clean and sober for @ least a year, then if that ever happens who is to say that is what gods will is?

Loving an active addict unconditional is @ best one of the most challenging journeys I have been on. Finding balance and taking care of me and surrending my will is a daily process. Getting to close and to much contact clouds my ability (for me), to maintain balance and keep sight of gods will instead of my own. Deciding to love unconditionally and what that is and how that looks and how to do that is a new tool for me. I don't quite know how to use it yet.

I know remembering what active addicts do and letting it begin with me, gods will and the power to carry that out, taking care of me, not taking it personally when an addict does what an addict does are all ways in which I can put things into perspective to keep me balanced and maintain serenity! Coming here reading helps remind me and give me strength and clearity. It helps to put things back into perspective and helps me to not be angry at an addict when he is just doing what he does.

Being greatful to god and the people here for helping me find courage, strength, understanding, wisdom and the ability to find peace and love with out conditions. But not be a door matt and not let my will cloud the focous of my journey.

Pulling back from to much contact or even going no contact if I need to are choices or options I have if I need to take care of me spiritually, mentally and emotionally.

Getting to close by to much contact with an active addict that I love is or can be a dangerous place for me. Thank god I am aware of it and know what I need to do to keep my peace and stay balanced.

Today I am greatful for my god my recovery and people like you and yes my addict. If not for him I would not have probably chosen recovery and be the person I am today. Healthier happier and balanced.

Going to meetings are part of a vital portion of my recovery too. So greatful for them. Changed my life. My willingness to recover work on my issues are vitally as important. Staying humble, feeling the pain and letting it go allows me to grow and not stay stuck.

So greatful today another awareness! Love you folks! There is hope weather the addicts keep using or not. Its about us and our recovery and growth and being healither loving and happier people (imo). Addicts have the same god we do and trusting god to take care of them how ever that looks for them is their journey! Prayers for those suffering from addictions and the ones effected by it. For recovery and gods guidance and peace!