balance gods will and active addiction

Old 03-03-2013, 06:26 AM
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balance gods will and active addiction

Hi, I have been so busy with school and work and well trying to find a balance with the father of my sons while he is in nactive addiction, I have not been here in a while. Thank goodness I have found time for my alanon meetings or I would be a mess! Sucked back in to my will! Which is and has been being with the "love of my life who is an active addict. I have a 20 year on off relationship with him. We have 2 sons 17 and 15.

My post is in part a gratitude post. Thanking each and everyone of you awesome loving people, for sharing your experience, strength and hope! I currently have contact with my ex, my choice. I allowed my self to do this thinking I could maintain a balance and keep the focus on gods will and not mine. At first I could. In slippery situations (which active addiction is), I slip! I began to loose sight of gods will and seek my own (being in a relationship) with him, knowing that gods will is not for us to be in a romantic relationship until he is clean and sober for @ least a year, then if that ever happens who is to say that is what gods will is?

Loving an active addict unconditional is @ best one of the most challenging journeys I have been on. Finding balance and taking care of me and surrending my will is a daily process. Getting to close and to much contact clouds my ability (for me), to maintain balance and keep sight of gods will instead of my own. Deciding to love unconditionally and what that is and how that looks and how to do that is a new tool for me. I don't quite know how to use it yet.

I know remembering what active addicts do and letting it begin with me, gods will and the power to carry that out, taking care of me, not taking it personally when an addict does what an addict does are all ways in which I can put things into perspective to keep me balanced and maintain serenity! Coming here reading helps remind me and give me strength and clearity. It helps to put things back into perspective and helps me to not be angry at an addict when he is just doing what he does.

Being greatful to god and the people here for helping me find courage, strength, understanding, wisdom and the ability to find peace and love with out conditions. But not be a door matt and not let my will cloud the focous of my journey.

Pulling back from to much contact or even going no contact if I need to are choices or options I have if I need to take care of me spiritually, mentally and emotionally.

Getting to close by to much contact with an active addict that I love is or can be a dangerous place for me. Thank god I am aware of it and know what I need to do to keep my peace and stay balanced.

Today I am greatful for my god my recovery and people like you and yes my addict. If not for him I would not have probably chosen recovery and be the person I am today. Healthier happier and balanced.

Going to meetings are part of a vital portion of my recovery too. So greatful for them. Changed my life. My willingness to recover work on my issues are vitally as important. Staying humble, feeling the pain and letting it go allows me to grow and not stay stuck.

So greatful today another awareness! Love you folks! There is hope weather the addicts keep using or not. Its about us and our recovery and growth and being healither loving and happier people (imo). Addicts have the same god we do and trusting god to take care of them how ever that looks for them is their journey! Prayers for those suffering from addictions and the ones effected by it. For recovery and gods guidance and peace!
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Old 03-03-2013, 08:39 AM
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Glad to see you check in and share such an inspiring post!

There is no doubt that loving unconditionally is important and sometimes difficult. We can love unconditionally but that doesn't mean that we unconditionally accept bad behaviors. It's ok to love someone from afar if that's what needs to be done to maintain our own sense of balance.

I love birds. But I have no desire to put one in a cage so that I can love it up close. That doesn't mean that I love them less (or more) than anyone else. It simply means that that is how I can best love them. Sometimes I think of the addicts in my life as birds......it's best if I love them from afar because that's how I can best love them unconditionally. It doesn't mean I love them less. I don't have to prove my love or justify my actions. And when I do have contact, I can maintain that sense of balance, kindness, and serenity.

Thanks for sharing bunkie65.....glad to know you're doing well!!

gentle hugs
ke
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Old 03-03-2013, 02:54 PM
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Amen kind eyes! That is a good no a really good, fantastic compairson! It was not and is not always easy to know just what to do but allowing the peace I get inside be my guide! I know when the balance is off my peace is gone. When I m seeking my will or trying to cage my addict I don't have peace. Loving unconditional is work and it sure does not mean ever allowing someone to use me, abuse me my children or comprising my values or sacrifices of taking care of me. And more often than not the addict does not like it. OH WELL! Not that I don't care but if a big bird flaps his wings I don't get close I back up. I protect myself because I just don't know which way he will fly and dontnwant to be hit or hurt or hurt the bird! So distancing myself when I don't feel safe threatned or fearful or uncertain is a way to protect myself and the flapping bird! (Addict) sometimes the bird is still and I can feel safe enough to see it a little closer but am always aware or at least try to be of potential threats to my safety. (Spiritually, mentallynand emotionally) speaking!

Figuring out when and how to do all that takes work and commitments to maintain balance thus peace!

Thanks kind eyes I love the that! I can so relate!
one day at a time! Progress not perfection and willingness, working 12 steps you here meetings and prayer and Godd all help me have helped me get where I am today! In all my affairs!

Attitude of gratitude is my theme today!

Hugs and prayers!
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Old 03-03-2013, 08:43 PM
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bunkie65, thank you so much for your post. It was really inspiring for me to read. I am early on in my recovery from my addict/codependency, and I am hoping to be where you are someday. You sound like you are in a great place. Good for you, and keep it up!!!

Kindeyes, wow, that bird comparison is awesome! I've never heard/thought of that before. It's a great way to look at it. I think i will save it to my computer so I can remember it. Thanks!
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Old 03-04-2013, 04:44 AM
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Pianogirl, I humbly thank you for your kind words! And I am thankful my process of thoughts were helpful in some way! At times posting here just like sharing in meetings, for me can be just getting my thoughts, feelings and emotions in order. In otherwords, sometimes I m not just sure what I m feeling clearly, there are several emotions going on and sharing helps me to get clarity. It helps in that others may, like kind eyes did, share someting too that just confirms or sheds more light on everything. That's why for me its so important to go to meetings (al anon)! I can share, just listen and learn and take what I like and leave the rest.

Pianogirl you too will grow and heal. It takes work that is for sure. Its definitely a process and takes time. Trial and error! And never perfection! Its freeing to have learned, with a new set of tools how to live and let live and always remember to let it begin with me. I just try to pratice what I have learned in every area of my life. Keeping God first as my guide the best I can each day! Examing my motives is a tool that helps me greatly!

You too can have the recovery you desire one day at a time. It will come and you will find yourself growing and changing little by little, don't give up stay strong and diligent. You will be amazed at what god will do in you as long as your willing. Be patient and take care of you.
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Old 03-04-2013, 06:09 AM
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the bird metaphor is beautiful! I instantly got a mental picture of Jazmine in the Disney movie Aladdin when she opens he cage door and lets all of the birds free because she is feeling trapped herself.
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