Originally Posted by
wanderwoman 
Hi there, I'm new here.
When I really think about it, my self esteem has always been incredibly low. I never thought I was very capable of being ok in the world. I never thought the opposite sex would like me, always felt ugly and fat and like a freak. I have trouble believing I am worth anything. Somehow when I was younger, drinking helped to numb those feelings a bit and let me pretend for a bit I was ok...
... I do see how warped my perceptions of myself are and how hard it is for other people to connect with me when I spend my life giving the world messages that I am not worth much. My drinking problem only serves to harm me further.
What you just described fits me almost perfectly. I just came on here cause I was uncontrollably sobbing because I just can't live this way anymore. I hate myself because I believe I am ugly, fat (I have an ED btw), stupid, and that no one could possibly genuinely love me. I somehow came to the conclusion that Im a pos and a bad person who deserves to suffer. My "fiance" just told me to go F* myself twice today and all I wanted to do was get drunk. I know thats not the answer but geez, this overwhelming pain is slowly killing me much like alcohol.. but at least I would be numb?
I know alcohol is not a solution and it just facilitates this horrible situation but I can completely understand why some folks are bewitched by it.