Hello Wanda Welcome to SR. From your recent post, it seems , you have already started thinking in right direction. Alcohol never solves any problem such as depression but in fact elevates the problem. If you are fond of reading self help book, I would highly recommend the book " Easy way to control Alcohol " by Alen Karr. You will find some very cheap deals on Amazon or local book store. This book has helped me a lot because it is written with a very solid reasoning. The 1st step to recovery is to start feeling good about ourselves and have positive frame of mind. We might have destroyed our life due to alcohol but there are people out there , who do not drink, commits the horrible crimes and still do not feel bad about themselves. I realized that once we start loving ourselves, the paradigm shifts and we start looking things from a different perspective.. No one is primarily or permanently damages. Every one, has flows and every one has some very good virtues , too.. All the best and keep posting at SR.