Hi Argent,
I see some traces of the dynamics of your relationship in my past relationship with my XA.
Although we loved each other deeply his severe alcoholism did finally derail our relationship although we careened around for 4 years chasing every recovery promise and drug, treatment out there.
In the end he got sober and it was his not just going to AA meetings (that's the fellowship) but his commitment to the steps and working them with his whole heart. I am amazed at what a different man he is becoming and so different from the selfish, shallow person he became while intoxicated (which was always when relapsed).
LIke you he is introverted and bit shy...but he is sharing now in AA meetings. Not a requirement but something he now is wanting to do because he knows his shares can help someone else... a major part of the miracle of true recovery.
I have changed too. I have been active in alanon and this forum for 3 years now and have also had a lot of counseling and read a ton of books!
It changed my life. I am happier than I have ever been! I am friends with my XA and we talk every day but he is 3000 miles away working on his recovery while I work on mine! In 9 months if he stays sober we have a very hot date planned in Tahiti (he pays which is a freaking miracle since I used to support him!)
We don't plan for tomorrow and he knows if he drinks the 1 year clock resets (he drank one night and lost 4 months from our hot date).
Funny thing. I am content. I don't pine. I don't worry. I am in complete peace and so is he. He wants me there more than I want to be there with him. That's because we codie partners suffer more in the relationship. So remember that... be gentle with your partner as it is hard to love an alcoholic even when we love them so much it hurts all the time.
Hope that helps... if you are both dedicated and BOTH work programs you can put it back together. It takes time and hard work... shortcuts don't cut it.
That's my E,S and H.