"And now... Nothing. Maybe I should shift my focus and consider this time to work on my sobriety without 'background' noise. But that seems like an awful, selfish premise to me... Hence the struggle I suppose. "
That sounds like a real plan to me. As for selfish, I toiled with that for awhile. I focused on my sobriety so much that I felt like I was neglecting everything and everyone else. But my sobriety was TOO important. Once I got to where I needed to be, praise be to God, I was able to equalize everything out. You are of no use to anyone if you are of no use to yourself first. Take care of you, get yourself back on track, and you will get where you are headed. God bless you.