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I Made a Call

Old 02-26-2013, 01:03 PM
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I Made a Call

I called someone I met last night at the AA meeting I attended.

This afternoon I feel ashamed & guilty. In my professional life, I'm a leader... But my personal life has crumbled & it's like a bomb exploded.

There is a lot in my past that I need to come to terms with & hopes for my future that I need to let go...

I called and they said to be in the moment. They said to live in the moment. Maybe I'm being defeatist but that seems hard to do in this moment.

I'm vacillating between emotions right now. I'll be calm, rational & feel accomplished that i'm on Day 5 of a new life. And then I'll reflect & get a surge of sadness, guilt & regret.

So- I'm turning to y'all for advice-
how do y'all live in the moment?

Thanks,
SB
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Old 02-26-2013, 01:09 PM
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Originally Posted by Starbaby928 View Post
I called someone I met last night at the AA meeting I attended.

This afternoon I feel ashamed & guilty. In my professional life, I'm a leader... But my personal life has crumbled & it's like a bomb exploded.

There is a lot in my past that I need to come to terms with & hopes for my future that I need to let go...

I called and they said to be in the moment. They said to live in the moment. Maybe I'm being defeatist but that seems hard to do in this moment.

I'm vacillating between emotions right now. I'll be calm, rational & feel accomplished that i'm on Day 5 of a new life. And then I'll reflect & get a surge of sadness, guilt & regret.

So- I'm turning to y'all for advice-
how do y'all live in the moment?

Thanks,
SB
Just a thought, but why not pull on some of your professional experience as a leader. What would you do if someone who worked for you, or was following your leadership, came to you with a similar question? Say someone in a new job or a new situation....what advice would you give them to make it through the first time?
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Old 02-26-2013, 01:28 PM
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Originally Posted by ScottFromWI View Post

Just a thought, but why not pull on some of your professional experience as a leader. What would you do if someone who worked for you, or was following your leadership, came to you with a similar question? Say someone in a new job or a new situation....what advice would you give them to make it through the first time?
You just blew my mind a little... I'm a master at compartmentalizing these aspects of my life so that never dawned on me to think in those terms.

I suppose I would tell them three things:

1) Slow down & be patient.
2) Attack a manageable number of measurable goals.
3) Nobody is perfect.

I suppose all three of those are more than applicable to my current personal situation.

Oddly enough, a good friend told me recently that she wished I could exude my professional presence in my personal life... Again, I compartmentalize... I feel confident at work... But in my personal life, with myself, I've never been comfortable.

SB
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Old 02-26-2013, 01:30 PM
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StarBaby, please look into what they are calling 'mindfulness'. It is about how to access that idea that you are talking about, living in the moment.

These links are a great place to begin.
Vipassana (Mindfulness) Meditation {Guided With Music} - YouTube

http://www.urbandharma.org/pdf/mindf...in_english.pdf

When I first did this 15 minute exercise, I felt as though I had just been on a two week vacation.
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Old 02-26-2013, 01:35 PM
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Originally Posted by Starbaby928 View Post
how do y'all live in the moment?
Moment by moment...

Not trying to be a smart a$$. But I had to learn that the hard way. You can't dwell in the past, you can't worry about the future. You only have now. And when I was in early recovery, NOW was all that mattered because I could only handle not drinking RIGHT THIS VERY SECOND.

Hang in there.
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Old 02-26-2013, 01:47 PM
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Thanks freshstart57- I'll check that out for sure... I'm open to any & all suggestions!

No worries doggonecarl. I didn't think you were being sarcastic. I guess I feel like before I was always planning... Planning a move into the house where I'll now live alone. Saving money for the babies I/we wanted to have. Even some of my professional goals were tied to getting to corporate in my organization since our corpo offices are not in Texas & in a state where my partner & I could marry. (This is perhaps the only way in which I allowed my professional/personal lives to intertwine.)

And now... Nothing. Maybe I should shift my focus and consider this time to work on my sobriety without "background" noise. But that seems like an awful, selfish premise to me... Hence the struggle I suppose.
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Old 02-26-2013, 01:47 PM
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Originally Posted by Starbaby928 View Post
You just blew my mind a little... I'm a master at compartmentalizing these aspects of my life so that never dawned on me to think in those terms.

I suppose I would tell them three things:

1) Slow down & be patient.
2) Attack a manageable number of measurable goals.
3) Nobody is perfect.

I suppose all three of those are more than applicable to my current personal situation.

Oddly enough, a good friend told me recently that she wished I could exude my professional presence in my personal life... Again, I compartmentalize... I feel confident at work... But in my personal life, with myself, I've never been comfortable.

SB
I didn't mean to blow your mind actually...sorry about that! But in reality sometimes the answer is right there in front of you. and I think your 3 steps are VERY good advice. I try to keep the bad parts of work ( we all have them ) separate from my home life, but there's nothing wrong with taking what works in one area and applying it to another. Best of luck to you - you can do this!
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Old 02-26-2013, 01:55 PM
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Keep going to your AA meetings and do what your sponsor suggests.

All the best.

Bob R
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Old 02-26-2013, 02:52 PM
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I had a good deal of trouble living in the moment - my head was always either in the past or future tripping.

It took a while but I learned to let go - I had some pretty unrealistic expectations about myself and what I could do - there was a bit of pride mixed up in that, and fear too.

I learned it's ok to reach our for help when I needed it

FreshStarts links are pretty useful too

D
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Old 02-26-2013, 02:55 PM
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Cool

Hey Starbaby ---

I just noticed that you're in Houston; ME2!!! (o; I don't know where you go to meetings, or even if you go.....there are over 2,000 meetings a day here in H-Town....Kewl huh?......!!

Just wanted to drop in and give a 'shout-out' to a home-town girl...........

(o:
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Old 02-26-2013, 03:05 PM
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"And now... Nothing. Maybe I should shift my focus and consider this time to work on my sobriety without 'background' noise. But that seems like an awful, selfish premise to me... Hence the struggle I suppose. "

That sounds like a real plan to me. As for selfish, I toiled with that for awhile. I focused on my sobriety so much that I felt like I was neglecting everything and everyone else. But my sobriety was TOO important. Once I got to where I needed to be, praise be to God, I was able to equalize everything out. You are of no use to anyone if you are of no use to yourself first. Take care of you, get yourself back on track, and you will get where you are headed. God bless you.
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Old 02-26-2013, 03:11 PM
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Thanks y'all!!!! Sometimes I post just to put my thoughts out there... It's nice to hear people's insight or just to know others went through a similar experience.

NoelleR- I am in Houston indeed... I went to my first meeting last night... It was quite the experience for me... In a good way.

The meeting directory is huge! I feel blessed to be in a metro with lots of resources.

Hi back to ya! Nice to know someone local on SR!

Y'all have really lifted me up when I was down, straight talked me & helped me get through these 5 days. SR is an amazing gift.

Blessings,
SR
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Old 02-26-2013, 03:14 PM
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Cool

I meant to add to my previous post. I noticed you're gay (or at least your partner is); there's a great place for gay AA meetings here in Houston ---- Lambda Center, over in the Montrose; I started my recovery there, and I'm still clean/sober today........

Lambda Center Houston: Meetings

Perhaps I'll see you there sometime. ....or PM me and we can set up time to meet there.....(or I could even provide the transportation (I almost wrote I'd pick you up, but that just wouldn't be appropriate......LOLOL)

(o:
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Old 02-26-2013, 03:26 PM
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Thanks gratefulKp!


NoelleR- I'll PM you!
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Old 02-26-2013, 03:38 PM
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Originally Posted by Starbaby928 View Post
I called someone I met last night at the AA meeting I attended.

This afternoon I feel ashamed & guilty. In my professional life, I'm a leader... But my personal life has crumbled & it's like a bomb exploded.

There is a lot in my past that I need to come to terms with & hopes for my future that I need to let go...

I called and they said to be in the moment. They said to live in the moment. Maybe I'm being defeatist but that seems hard to do in this moment.

I'm vacillating between emotions right now. I'll be calm, rational & feel accomplished that i'm on Day 5 of a new life. And then I'll reflect & get a surge of sadness, guilt & regret.

So- I'm turning to y'all for advice-
how do y'all live in the moment?

Thanks,
SB
Hi starbaby,

I too have all these feeling that you are going through. A doctor would assume me manic depressive. Up and down all the time.

The past is real and must be remembered so that we do not make the same mistake twice.

Like with you, my personal life has been totally destroyed due to the horrible illness. I went from having everything to having nothing in one night. That was only last Monday. I keep wondering how I have made it this long without doing something overly stupid.

As for emotions, well, I just feel numb. Lost and alone.

Ultimately, we are all in the same boat. And the best way to get off that boat and get on a nicer one is to stick with the programmes and keep talking to people about it. Even if you are repeating yourself you will find that with each time you re-tell the story, you will remember different details.

I have just completed day 4 so I'm close to you too

We all feel for you and are here for all the support you need through your sobriety.

Sent from my Nexus 7 using Sober Recovery
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Old 02-26-2013, 04:14 PM
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Originally Posted by hibbsy23 View Post

Hi starbaby,

I too have all these feeling that you are going through. A doctor would assume me manic depressive. Up and down all the time.

The past is real and must be remembered so that we do not make the same mistake twice.

Like with you, my personal life has been totally destroyed due to the horrible illness. I went from having everything to having nothing in one night. That was only last Monday. I keep wondering how I have made it this long without doing something overly stupid.

As for emotions, well, I just feel numb. Lost and alone.

Ultimately, we are all in the same boat. And the best way to get off that boat and get on a nicer one is to stick with the programmes and keep talking to people about it. Even if you are repeating yourself you will find that with each time you re-tell the story, you will remember different details.

I have just completed day 4 so I'm close to you too

We all feel for you and are here for all the support you need through your sobriety.

Sent from my Nexus 7 using Sober Recovery
Thanks Hibbsy23... You have no idea how much that means to me. I hope I can be there for y'all too.
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Old 02-26-2013, 04:30 PM
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Starbaby, it sounds like you're doing great.

I found that Eckhart Tolle's "A New Earth" is an amazing book to help you forgive yourself for the past, not worry about the future and find abundance in each and every day. It's a good read.
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Old 02-26-2013, 04:42 PM
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This is awesome!!

1) Slow down & be patient.
2) Attack a manageable number of measurable goals.
3) Nobody is perfect.
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Old 02-26-2013, 06:38 PM
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Originally Posted by Anna View Post
Starbaby, it sounds like you're doing great.

I found that Eckhart Tolle's "A New Earth" is an amazing book to help you forgive yourself for the past, not worry about the future and find abundance in each and every day. It's a good read.
Somebody else recommended that author to me. I'm a voracious reader... I'll have to check it out.
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Old 02-26-2013, 06:45 PM
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Hi Star. I just caught up on what's happening with you. I'm so happy you're reaching out the way you are and making good progress. Congratulations on your 5 hard-earned days. We're proud of you.
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