I don't think the meetings were invaluable; I definitely learned a lot about what situations/thinking patterns are dangerous for me, and ways to cope. I learned too about what future thinking patterns to watch out for (ie complacency, testing personal control, etc). In many ways, I DO use this information. I wish I could say I've quit drinking completely. I haven't. I have definitely reduced it considerably. Not quickly enough to save my relationship, but, well, I can't say I blame him.
As PurpleCat suggested, maybe I just wasn't ready/hadn't fully surrendered. I've just lost more than I ever wanted to lose and yet somehow, for once, I have zero interest in hitting a liquor store. I moved out of his place (well, me and some of my clothes did), so I'm home alone, "behind enemy lines" and so far, so good. Tears, yes. Booze, no.
To answer your question, Dee, I've been reading the SMART website, and the one for AVRT. From these, I've started little "memos" on my phone - an ongoing cost-benefit analysis, notes about surrender, relapse prevention, and other expressions or bits of wisdom I find inspiring or helpful. Just so I always have it with me to reference or as a reminder.
I've also found much that resonates with me on spiritualriver.com. I've bookmarked at least a dozen articles there. The basic premise seems to be his "two-step program": 1. Don't drink no matter what. 2. Pursue holistic health and spiritual growth.
For me, #1 is obvious and #2 translates into making sure I exercise every day (even if it's just a long walk, which I find meditative) and also read/learn something every day. For the "spiritual" aspect, I'm trying to be grateful for what I have, and appreciate the lessons I'm being given. Maybe I'm a bit daft, but when people told me to "re-structure my day" so as to avoid drinking, I didn't have a clear idea of how I was supposed to do that. I was probably complicating things, as I tend to, and also thinking too much and doing too little. I realize it's only been 12 straight days so far, but this simplicity seems to be helping.
I haven't ruled out attending meetings again in the future; I just need to be a little more confident in my ability to not drink. Perhaps before I was focusing too much on the problem, not the solution and, I've been told, "we get what we focus on." I'm trying to focus on the solution. And making an effort not to isolate myself - I've set up some coffee dates with friends and I think there are a couple of people I know who, although they don't know about my drinking problem, could be trusted with that information if I want to talk.
SR helps too; nice to know I'm not alone.
