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Did anyone else feel like drinking after meetings/sessions about quitting drinking?



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Did anyone else feel like drinking after meetings/sessions about quitting drinking?

Old 02-25-2013, 01:58 PM
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Did anyone else feel like drinking after meetings/sessions about quitting drinking?

I went to a bunch of sessions on drug abuse - identifying triggers, cost-benefit analysis, developing strategies, relapse prevention, etc. - a while back and my drinking ESCALATED. And stayed escalated. Did anyone else find this?

I'd come out of the sessions, and all I could think about was drinking. And how ashamed I was of my drinking. And how I wanted a drink. Perverse, I know, but there it is. A CSO suggested I attend meetings and I don't want to. My reasoning is: I tried that. It made it worse. Why would I do that again?

I'm not looking for validation, for someone to tell me I'm "right" in this argument (said CSO and I have broken up, so we will never have this discussion again), I just wanted to know if anyone else had a similar experience and, if so, what they tried instead.
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Old 02-25-2013, 02:18 PM
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Yes.

AVRT.
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Old 02-25-2013, 02:21 PM
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Yes. Yes. Yes.
I used to be in AA and my drinking got much worse after I joined.
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Old 02-25-2013, 02:21 PM
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hi Bumble

I think anything that threatens our inner addict scares it to death - and that part of us will fight back.

If we haven't got any strategies to fight it with, we'll drink... because thats what we do when we feel uncomfortable confronted or scared, back to the wall.

If meetings aren't for you, what is your plan?

I dunno about you but I keep changing as a person - even if you feel meetings didn't work before, I wouldn't write them off completely - try other things for sure, but if nothing else you try seems to work either you may find meetings more useful a second time around?

D
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Old 02-25-2013, 05:35 PM
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Bumble, I had a similar experience. I started seeing an alcohol counselor a few yrs ago & all the talking & working on "trying" to stay sober, the minute I my hour was up, I was at the liquor store 1 block away.
The whole time thinking WTH?

It created major anxiety & fear as Dee said. And I couldn't cope, didn't know how.

But the main thing was I just was not ready yet. I did not want to quit BAD enough yet. I had to get to point where the thought of never drinking again was OKAY.
Unfortunately, it took me a few more yrs of misery & fighting myself to get there.

I hope you can be honest with yourself. It's hard. You think how am I gonna do this? Even faced with ALL the evidence of how bad it is hurting you.
And you know deep down you need to but can't.

We've all been there. Addiction is irrational.
I got sober after I found SR, utilized things from here, read the BB, Beyond the Influence...Then studied AVRT..that helped me the most. Realizing it wasn't ME who wanted to drink, it was my addictive voice. Lizard brain, whatever you wanna call it.
I felt like a crazy person, Jekyll & Hyde...AVRT made sense to me.

I hope you find whatever works for you. Just keep looking & working toward recovery.
Never give up.
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Old 02-25-2013, 07:46 PM
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Did anyone else feel like drinking after meetings/sessions about quitting drinking?
oh yes; every meeting for the first few months made me feel like drinking. i figured it was a result of the intense hour-long focus that did it.
but it didn't escalate my drinking, because it couldn't make me drink, though it could make me want to.i went to the meetings because i didn't want to drink
sounds screwy, i know. so i just sat there with the "want/need/gottadrink" and didn't drink and learned how to be okay no matter what comes up and what feelings i have.
that's what i tried instead. and it worked.
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Old 02-25-2013, 08:06 PM
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Yes, but it passed after a while. I would go to AA meetings and then sit in my car and cry and drink. Generally in life nothing new takes right away. Not drinking takes practice and support like learning any other new behaviour.
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Old 02-25-2013, 08:28 PM
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No. I tend to hang around for the after coffee, bickies and chat. Now with SR I end my day with it and then go home to sleep. My anxiety levels have dropped, it actually feels more like enthusiasm these days. When I first started participating I recognised that what was happening in me was the sort of stuff that triggers drinking. I think that is a logical thing to happen. I'm more exposed, not just personally but also to others stuff. In the end it's all good.

Because I don't drink, elevated levels of stress or anxiety is just that these days. Something to be dealt with. Booze thinking sometimes flickers in the back of my mind but that's all. I don't know what to say about it to those who (like me(once)) daily struggled. I don't really know the ins and outs of what changed but it did. Maybe it's just something as simple as habit. I don't drink and I feel my feelings and try to remain equanimous. It works for me.

Of course that doesn't mean that I didn't spend a large part of my life boozing and trying to figure it out. It probably helped as did stopping trying to figure it out.
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Old 02-26-2013, 06:54 AM
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Meetings never made it worse for me BUT whenever I read the personal stories in the Big Book (on my own time) I get very antsy and want to drink. Needless to say, I dont read those anymore.

If meetings make you feel like that, maybe you should look into AVRT. I bought the book a while back and it didn't work for me, but it might work for you. Its very logical.
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Old 02-26-2013, 08:18 AM
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I don't think the meetings were invaluable; I definitely learned a lot about what situations/thinking patterns are dangerous for me, and ways to cope. I learned too about what future thinking patterns to watch out for (ie complacency, testing personal control, etc). In many ways, I DO use this information. I wish I could say I've quit drinking completely. I haven't. I have definitely reduced it considerably. Not quickly enough to save my relationship, but, well, I can't say I blame him.

As PurpleCat suggested, maybe I just wasn't ready/hadn't fully surrendered. I've just lost more than I ever wanted to lose and yet somehow, for once, I have zero interest in hitting a liquor store. I moved out of his place (well, me and some of my clothes did), so I'm home alone, "behind enemy lines" and so far, so good. Tears, yes. Booze, no.

To answer your question, Dee, I've been reading the SMART website, and the one for AVRT. From these, I've started little "memos" on my phone - an ongoing cost-benefit analysis, notes about surrender, relapse prevention, and other expressions or bits of wisdom I find inspiring or helpful. Just so I always have it with me to reference or as a reminder.

I've also found much that resonates with me on spiritualriver.com. I've bookmarked at least a dozen articles there. The basic premise seems to be his "two-step program": 1. Don't drink no matter what. 2. Pursue holistic health and spiritual growth.

For me, #1 is obvious and #2 translates into making sure I exercise every day (even if it's just a long walk, which I find meditative) and also read/learn something every day. For the "spiritual" aspect, I'm trying to be grateful for what I have, and appreciate the lessons I'm being given. Maybe I'm a bit daft, but when people told me to "re-structure my day" so as to avoid drinking, I didn't have a clear idea of how I was supposed to do that. I was probably complicating things, as I tend to, and also thinking too much and doing too little. I realize it's only been 12 straight days so far, but this simplicity seems to be helping.

I haven't ruled out attending meetings again in the future; I just need to be a little more confident in my ability to not drink. Perhaps before I was focusing too much on the problem, not the solution and, I've been told, "we get what we focus on." I'm trying to focus on the solution. And making an effort not to isolate myself - I've set up some coffee dates with friends and I think there are a couple of people I know who, although they don't know about my drinking problem, could be trusted with that information if I want to talk.

SR helps too; nice to know I'm not alone.
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Old 02-26-2013, 10:12 AM
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Not entirely drinking related, but looking back - more than likely partly related - I used to attend group CBT sessions for anxiety and low self esteem. Without fail I would pick up wine on the way home by way of congratulating myself for going to the session.

This was long before I had admitted drinking was having a negative impact on my life. I still remember and have the tools learned, but I wish now that I'd given it my all at the time. Still, we can't change the past!

Definitely don't isolate yourself, the enjoyment that comes from catching up with friends whether you tell them or not far outweighs the annoyance (insert relevant negative feeling) of cancelling due to a hangover - I've done this far too many times

Good luck bumble, sounds like you're on the right track
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Old 02-26-2013, 10:30 AM
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When I started going to AA and managed to stay sober for a week or 2, when I relapsed I made up for lost time and drank like crazy. Moreover, because I still wanted to quit drinking and planned on it "next Monday" I would drink as much as possible because of the "I'll quit drinking next week" mindset.

For me, I kept on going to meetings and in time I stayed sober longer and longer. Avoiding meetings wasn't my response and I'm glad I kept going to meetings because now I'm sober 2.5 months shy of 10 years.
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Old 02-26-2013, 01:51 PM
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Originally Posted by Purplecatlover View Post
...I had to get to point where the thought of never drinking again was OKAY. ...


I'd have to say, of all the "things" I have done, THAT, more than anything has been the key to ME becoming happy and content as a non-drinker.
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Old 02-26-2013, 01:58 PM
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Originally Posted by bumble View Post
I went to a bunch of sessions on drug abuse - identifying triggers, cost-benefit analysis, developing strategies, relapse prevention, etc. - a while back and my drinking ESCALATED. And stayed escalated. Did anyone else find this?

I'd come out of the sessions, and all I could think about was drinking. And how ashamed I was of my drinking. And how I wanted a drink. Perverse, I know, but there it is. A CSO suggested I attend meetings and I don't want to. My reasoning is: I tried that. It made it worse. Why would I do that again?

I'm not looking for validation, for someone to tell me I'm "right" in this argument (said CSO and I have broken up, so we will never have this discussion again), I just wanted to know if anyone else had a similar experience and, if so, what they tried instead.
The AA meetings may save your life. They do mine.

All the best.

Bob R
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Old 02-26-2013, 03:52 PM
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I don't know what it's like where you are, but in my city we have different types of meetings. We have 'Big Book' study meetings, meetings that focus on the 12 Steps, Daily Reflections, As Bill Sees It etc. In those meetings i hear people focusing on the solution rather than the problem and that helps me a lot. It did take me a while, and a relapse, to get my head around being in the solution rather than the problem.
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Old 02-26-2013, 04:31 PM
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Thanks for this thread, Bumble. The last time I went to AA meetings I did feel like drinking; but I wasn't ready yet. 20 years ago I got clean and sober through NA so I so know there is something to the whole meeting/fellowship thing. After an 8 year relapse I am finding SR really really helpful. I'm also in counseling and reading/researching a ton on a variety of recovery options. I guess you could say I'm taking a little of this and a little of that. For now it is working but I'm not daft enough to realize I am going to have to find face to face connections at some point with others like me as I don't have that and my life is pretty lonely/quiet...but like I said...for now it is ok.
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Old 02-27-2013, 10:13 AM
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I do think connections are important; I've been trying to avoid asking for help, but I am coming to the realization I DO need support. Or at least an ally.

TigerLili, the list of meetings online for my city doesn't specify but there is a number for the AA head office here; they might be able to direct me.

Pluginjug: Yeah, it's amazing how long we can continue being self-destructive because we're quitting "tomorrow." I've been waiting for "tomorrow" for years. Congrats on your 10 years!!

Never drinking again is ok...never drinking again is ok....

New mantra!
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