Originally Posted by
trobinsonsnell 
I thought if I took action he might take some ..and that somehow he would fight for us and find a way to get it together. That my marriage for seventeen years Was not a complete use and sham..just so he could continue to live the way he wanted. I feel confused, upset, empty.
You are in the right place. You have already started doing very positive things which are going to help - Believe me.
It might not look like it now - but the action you have taken is already having the desired effect. I know every alcoholic is different but your story has a lot of similarities to mine. When we change something and start to enforce boundaries the A's don't like it at all - they will do everything and anything to de-rail you. Stick to your guns.
They will try to be with somebody else, blame you , anything to dodge the solution - ie Getting honest! But as they fall deeper and deeper into the abyss they just feel worse and worse until the pain is no longer taken away by drinking. At this point - sorry to say - they either die or start to seek help - they cannot be helped until they are ready to be absolutely HONEST.
A change in you has a domino effect on the whole family. I would strongly urge you to go to at least 6 Al-anon meetings. You will get the tools and support you need for your own journey. You will learn what to do and what not to do. You will become yourself again - and dare I say it eventually happy and content.
Being on this forum is already a step in the right direction. Your recovery will affect your daugher and the drinker in a good way.
A's at the stage he is at are unable to fight for anything - their wives, kids and especially themselves. It does not mean your time together means nothing - its just that because of the disease , he is unable to see that now. You know the truth - thats enough. Al-anon is your solution - it has helped numerous people and I hope you give it a go. ((Hugs)).
