bittersweet feelings

Old 02-23-2013, 07:27 AM
  # 1 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 6
bittersweet feelings

Hi all, been a while since I posted. Having a hard time. My spouse is an alcoholic undercover drug user. We have been married for seventeen years now and the relationship has been filled with abuse..abuse..abuse. I have been working and taking care of our family while he runs the street, stays gone for days only to show up acting like he's. Been to the grocery store, periodically works but is very selfish when he does. He drinks from the moment he wakes up until he goes to bed IF he is even home. I felt very neglected and abused. I put.down boundaries ..we constantly argued about his inability to be present or dependable. January 4th, he left and didn't return until January 7th..at midnight so technically January 8th..our anniversary was the seventh..claiming to have been in jail for several days for driving without a license..he doesn't have a car. I decided not to let him in. I handed him a bag of clothes out the window and told him I would call the cops if he didn't leave. He finally left. Its been almost two months now...since he's been gone. I changed my phone number..cut all communication ..he showed up at our daughters baby sitters house drunk wanting to see the baby but she wasn't there..other than that we haven't heard from him. So he ran into my father in the drug area the other day. He was walking with another woman. He told my father we weren't together anymore because he caught me in the house with another Guy. Not that he wouldnt ever come home, wouldnt help with his kids, wouldnt pay any bills, or that he was undependable and drunk most of the time. I don't know what to feel anymore..I thought if I took action he might take some ..and that somehow he would fight for us and find a way to get it together. That my marriage for seventeen years Was not a complete use and sham..just so he could continue to live the way he wanted. I feel confused, upset, empty. I loved him and don't even know how to start moving on. I don't know how to do anything but feel a complete cloud of sadness. Please tell me where to start!
trobinsonsnell is offline  
Old 02-23-2013, 08:39 AM
  # 2 (permalink)  
Community Greeter
 
dandylion's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 16,246
Dear trobinsonsnell, I would advise to start by finding the closest alanon meeting and go there. There is a saying that with addiction: "Let go or be dragged". It sure sounds like you have been dragged for a while, now. It is time to save yourself (and daughter).

Keep coming here and post as often as you need to.

Others have made it--you can and will, also!

sincerely, dandylion
dandylion is offline  
Old 02-23-2013, 10:18 AM
  # 3 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2012
Posts: 336
Originally Posted by trobinsonsnell View Post
I thought if I took action he might take some ..and that somehow he would fight for us and find a way to get it together. That my marriage for seventeen years Was not a complete use and sham..just so he could continue to live the way he wanted. I feel confused, upset, empty.
You are in the right place. You have already started doing very positive things which are going to help - Believe me.
It might not look like it now - but the action you have taken is already having the desired effect. I know every alcoholic is different but your story has a lot of similarities to mine. When we change something and start to enforce boundaries the A's don't like it at all - they will do everything and anything to de-rail you. Stick to your guns.

They will try to be with somebody else, blame you , anything to dodge the solution - ie Getting honest! But as they fall deeper and deeper into the abyss they just feel worse and worse until the pain is no longer taken away by drinking. At this point - sorry to say - they either die or start to seek help - they cannot be helped until they are ready to be absolutely HONEST.

A change in you has a domino effect on the whole family. I would strongly urge you to go to at least 6 Al-anon meetings. You will get the tools and support you need for your own journey. You will learn what to do and what not to do. You will become yourself again - and dare I say it eventually happy and content.

Being on this forum is already a step in the right direction. Your recovery will affect your daugher and the drinker in a good way.


A's at the stage he is at are unable to fight for anything - their wives, kids and especially themselves. It does not mean your time together means nothing - its just that because of the disease , he is unable to see that now. You know the truth - thats enough. Al-anon is your solution - it has helped numerous people and I hope you give it a go. ((Hugs)).
cr995 is offline  

Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off




All times are GMT -7. The time now is 07:38 AM.