bittersweet feelings
Hi all, been a while since I posted. Having a hard time. My spouse is an alcoholic undercover drug user. We have been married for seventeen years now and the relationship has been filled with abuse..abuse..abuse. I have been working and taking care of our family while he runs the street, stays gone for days only to show up acting like he's. Been to the grocery store, periodically works but is very selfish when he does. He drinks from the moment he wakes up until he goes to bed IF he is even home. I felt very neglected and abused. I put.down boundaries ..we constantly argued about his inability to be present or dependable. January 4th, he left and didn't return until January 7th..at midnight so technically January 8th..our anniversary was the seventh..claiming to have been in jail for several days for driving without a license..he doesn't have a car. I decided not to let him in. I handed him a bag of clothes out the window and told him I would call the cops if he didn't leave. He finally left. Its been almost two months now...since he's been gone. I changed my phone number..cut all communication ..he showed up at our daughters baby sitters house drunk wanting to see the baby but she wasn't there..other than that we haven't heard from him. So he ran into my father in the drug area the other day. He was walking with another woman. He told my father we weren't together anymore because he caught me in the house with another Guy. Not that he wouldnt ever come home, wouldnt help with his kids, wouldnt pay any bills, or that he was undependable and drunk most of the time. I don't know what to feel anymore..I thought if I took action he might take some ..and that somehow he would fight for us and find a way to get it together. That my marriage for seventeen years Was not a complete use and sham..just so he could continue to live the way he wanted. I feel confused, upset, empty. I loved him and don't even know how to start moving on. I don't know how to do anything but feel a complete cloud of sadness. Please tell me where to start!