As an addict I see the disease manifest in all areas of my life.
Before I got clean I just thought the drugs were the source of the problems.
Through step work, sponsorship, and meetings, I've learned that my real problem is an obsessive compulsive reaction to the misguided idea that I can somehow fill the emptiness inside. First the thought..the obsession. Unless I recognize quickly that the returning fixed thought of obtaining a substance, job, money, sex, or ______ ( fill in the blank) is the beginning I can get consumed by it. (To me this is the beginnig of the relapse process) Unarrested at this point, eventually I will begin to act out on the obsession. ( the next stage of relapse) The first time I act out puts me on the edge of full blown relapse. Now the compulsiveness has a physical maifestation to latch itself to, and I will be in danger of repeating the action or behaviour until I am caught up in the slavery of active addiction.
The exact nature of all my wrongs is misplacement of my faith. If I immediatley turn over my dilemma to my higher pwoer and seek the next right thing, the disease process is arrested and serenity returns.
From my own experience, and from sharing with others it seems that even after ceasing the compulsive behaviour, then learning not to initially act on that fixed thought, the obsessive process can plague us for decades.
I struggle with the thought process on a regular basis. The greatest relief from acting out compulsively comes from vigilently maintaining my recovery process through .... step work, sponsorship, and meetings.
Every day I live a quasi victory over the disease by merely not acting out. Some days I experience the real nature of recovery through the relief of the obsessive thoughts.