I'm an RA and a recovering codie. I know addiction inside and out. When it came to my last bf, one who I shared an addiction with, I had problems. He talked the talk, but didn't walk the walk.
Fortunately, I had begun reading here and started thinking about what *I* wanted from the relationship. I realized that, no matter HOW much time he had in recovery (had he ever chosen that, and he didn't) I would forever be waiting for the other shoe to drop. I would never trust him.
It wasn't that I didn't love him...I did. It was just that I was TIRED of the lies, the betrayals, and I couldn't go on living that way.
At some point we have to realize that what WE want from life is important. Guilt? My XABF died from the addiction we shared and I don't feel guilt. I couldn't make him see how great recovery was (and he had a LOT of chances to see that).
Did I grieve? Yes. Did I feel guilty? No. I did what I needed to do for ME, which included getting away from him. I can't change another person, I can only change myself.
Take care of you, sweetie. You are the only one you can control. When it hurts to do that? Come here....we "get" that.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy