bamboo,
There are a lot of weirdos out there if I'm energetically sending out the "vibe" to welcome them in. When I have a "healthy vibe" then I attract the same--like attracts like. At times when I'm surrounded by "weirdos" or by several things happening that are challenging my boundaries, then it's time for me to do some reconnecting with myself and make some adjustments to increase my own emotional health. There were times I was coffee-dating when I STOPPED dating long enough to focus on myself because I was attracting the people that were more like my unhealthy patterns than the new goals for myself that I was learning to set.
Speaking of patterns, thanks to mdkathy for the insights about what you were doing--that's exactly what I found, too. Kudos to you!
I have to also say this: dating can be DANGEROUS. Period. It has substantial risks and I'm not just talking about a broken heart or contracting an STD. I posted a while ago about my safe dating tips: use a pseudonym, an e-mail address set up just for the purpose of dating, do NOT give out your phone number before you have met that person IN PERSON a few times (that's right, I always called the guy after our initial e-mail contact, until I felt comfortable with him having that info about me. Only the 2 guys who got 2nd dates got my phone number. And anyone who had a problem with that didn't get another minute of my time!), I parked my car away from the meeting place for coffee, such as in a plaza, and met in the daylight. After the date I could hang out at the plaza shops, meet a friend, etc. And speaking of friends, I told friends who I was meeting, where, when, and what I knew about that person--based only on my date's word, of course, so it was subject to some skepticism. I had a guy continue to contact me via e-mail when I said "no thanks" and I promptly blocked him and changed my e-mail address.
I made some mistakes but I learned and applied them to the next scenario. Was I tempted at times, early in my recovery, to loosen my "acceptable treatment" criteria? Absolutely. That's why every dating candidate was discussed with my sponsor, therapist and program friends to help me stay honest with myself.
Don't compromise. We receive the standards of treatment that we agree to...so what I've learned is to not settle!
Good luck and have fun,
posie