Male perspective here-
I have no issue with porn, but would never turn down the real thing with my EXAG for it. Solo can be good, but is so much better WITH A PARTNER. It seems to me that your BF (or exbf) has an issue with communication, intimacy, respect and control.
As much as I hate to admit it- sex was one of the things that kept us together for so long. That is the one thing that we did not screw up in our relationship... even though all the other parts were pretty messed up!
From your description, it sounds like you made a reasonable decision.