Guilt is something we feel when we know we have done something wrong. You have done nothing wrong. You gave him 25 years of your life and now, you deserve to live your life for yourself. Your kids are grown and their relationship with him has nothing to do with you. He is responsible for that and they are old enough to have their own opinions.
Maybe you should go no contact for a while. He can't try to make you feel guilty if you don't have any communication with him. Give yourself some time and distance from the chaos. It will help you think more clearly. You don't have to make any decisions today. Take some time for you. We're here for support.
