Originally Posted by ivegotsunshine
Am I going to have these health problems in the future? Am I strong enough to get through this and not let him see how unbelievably scared I am?... My anxiety is so out of control at this point my AV is trying to take over my life.
Your AV is barking up the wrong tree. Because if you take a look at those questions, you'll see drinking dramatically impacts both answers—and not in a good way. Sounds to me like you have a handle on the situation right now.
Ask yourself this: how would you feel about yourself after you drank? I'd be disappointed, ashamed, afraid. Nothing helpful can come from it. Not one single thing. Diet, sleep, exercise—those things will help. Posting here, calling a friend. Maybe escape into a dumb movie. Music can soothe me in times of trouble. But really anything is better than drinking.
My dad is dying. Pancreatic cancer. I feel the end closing in; he skipped his weekly video call with my daughter today, so that's a bad sign. It sucks. I know exactly how you feel. But you know what? I've never been more grateful to be sober. It's the only way I'd be able to maintain my center of gravity, so I can be strong in front of my parents and my kid, while simultaneously processing my own thoughts and feelings. Some of those feelings are truly awful. But I remind myself that some things in life are
supposed to feel awful. Pain is part of what it means to be human, and part of what it means to love.
You're doing great. There's comfort and strength to be found in that knowledge; hold onto it as you move forward through this storm. You will get through it.