Justshy I can totally relate to what you are saying. I too felt like my RAH treated me better before he sought recovery. It was really his way of hiding his drinking.
In the beginning of his recovery it was the same as what you are saying and i couldn't understand why he didn't want to spend more time with the kids. What worked for me though was to step away from that codieness and just focus on myself. Focus on my time with the kids and time I needed without the kids - hence the schedule had to work for me and not just RAH.
My RAH never expressed in words that he wasn't sure he still wanted to be married but he sure tried to take advantage of his "single" lifestyle while we were separated. Coming and going as he pleased and being inconsiderate of my schedule and my needs. Yes, I believe part of that is the difficulty faced maintaining sobriety and part of it was my inability to set boundaries.
Do try to focus on yourself and what you want and need and put in place what works for you. Realize that there are some relationship needs that will not be met by a RA as they may not be capable of providing them but that does not mean you are to be treated with disrespect and insensitiveness while your RAH struggles with his sobriety. You need to look out for yourself.
And yes, I was resentful for a long time that there was this change in our relationship and I didn't have someone "treating me like a queen". In the long run I gained something much better, I treat myself like a true authentic person and I expect the same in return.
I am back together with my RAH and there are still some difficulties as he continues to struggle with sobriety after a year spber. I am so grateful for where I have come and never want to go back to how my RAH treated me when he was "deceiving" me about his drinking.
((((Justshy)))) Try to enjoy the time with your kids and ease some of the burden with all that you have to deal with by reaching out to other moms or family members.
I hope this helps. It just always amazes me how similar our journeys are being married to alcoholics.