So sorry to hear about all the pain you're going through. I know what you mean about the family - I think in-laws treat you in whatever way they can get away with. If they have a child who will not put up with any c**p - they tend to watch themselves around that child's spouse - but otherwise if their own child couldn't care less then on they go . I don't know if I'll ever be in a relationship again or ever get married again but one thing I do know is that I 'll walk before putting up with that rubbish again.
No point in blaming yourself - hindsight is 20 20.
You're heading in the right direction ((Hugs)).