'No longer was I really feeling the "buzz". I was not able to get that warm glow and sought more volume to bring it back.'
That really struck a chord with me, thank you. Your whole post did, in fact. Part of my problem is that I still look back on those 'good times' with such fondness. The way alcohol used to make music sound so good and the uninhibited confidence it allowed me. For some reason I neglect to to reflect upon the not so good times which transpired in recent years.
I, too, relentlessly chase that buzz which no longer exists for me. I know in my saner moments that there's no going back to that 'high', yet in my darker days I can't help but try.
I hope that it all makes sense for you one day.