I felt the SAME way. Trust me. Over and over again, I tried ways to control/quit. Terrible relationships because of my lies, drinking/driving, losing jobs, depression, anxiety, dependance on booze. I never felt lower and actually wanted to die.
That was 105 days ago. I've been sober 105 days! Wanna know what worked for me? I detoxed in a hospital. I lost my job. I made a committment to try AA since it's worked for millions of people. I went to 90 meetings in 90 days and got a sponsor. I know some people hate AA, and I used to hate it, but this time, it's been working miracles for me and I cannot explain how a meeting a day does this but it does, for me. I'm working the steps, got a weekly therapy appt with an addictions specialist and I'm on anti-anxiety meds and sleep meds and anti-craving meds. (when you drink on the meds, it makes you worse...think about that while taking the meds the doc gave you).
This is just what worked so far for me. This is the longest I've been sober yet, so maybe give it a try? It's really hard in the beginning...I so didn't want or feel like doing the AA thing...didn't get it, but I did it anyway.