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Old 02-10-2013, 03:58 PM
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Good god

Hi all, I've been reading posts, advice on here all week. It's a help and a reality check. I just feel absolutely lost. I am 37, I have twin daughters age 12. I have been in an on off relationship with their dad for 13 years , sometimes violent. I have been drinking since I was 16. I was a good girl , straight a student who ended up with a pretty violent stepfather who decided I was the cause of all our family problems and kicked me out of home. My mum agreed. I guess I've been drinking since then. I had my own money and no parents ( my dad was living in another country ). I worked in hospitality as a chef so there was always lots of drinking going on there. I travelled and partied, did lots of dancing and drugs. Yet, it seems, I'm the one who carried on. All my friends did it too but didn't end up being a boozer like me. Currently my partner has left, he says he can't take the drunken me who abuses him verbally. As I said we have had a pretty tumultuous relationship and I have always blamed him for my ****** behaviour. But , I'm starting to see now that I'm not good. I am drunk and drinking all the time and I'm really unhappy. I went to docs last week and fessed up everything. Got some anti depressants ( so reluctant to take them but am willing to try ) but I havnt stopped drinking , it's getting worse. I'm drinking in the day time , I'm totally self medicating Bc I can't stand the anxiety. I normally drink wine but have sworn myself off it in some attempt at action. But really I've just replaced it with other booze in the same quantities. I want my man to come home. I want this crazy drinking to stop and I want to be the mum I should be. But seriously it's like my brains in destruct mode and while it recognises all these feelings at the same time someone else is overriding it and saying yes I know but drink. It's completely mental. I just need to press an off button somewhere and do the right thing but at the moment I can't find it.
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Old 02-10-2013, 04:05 PM
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Hi and Welcome!

Talking to your dr was a good start and taking antidepressants could be helpful, as your dr said. However, alcohol interferes with the action of most antidepressants. You likely won't feel the positive effects of the medication until you stop drinking.

I'm glad to hear you want to stop drinking and you can do it. Stopping drinking however, is just the beginning of the journey. There is generally a lot of work to do on oneself as well. It could be possible that some counselling or therapy could be helpful in dealing with some of your past issues.

And, please remember that violence is unacceptable, ever. And, once it starts, it doesn't go away. It often gets worse. Getting sober would be a great step for you to take care of yourself and your children. I'm glad you found us.
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Old 02-10-2013, 04:08 PM
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Welcome to SR, Seiceps. First thing you need to know is that it really does get better. Pretty much everyone arrives at SR feeling like you do; hopeless and scared. But you're not hopeless at all—this can be the beginning of better days, right now.

I'm really glad you found this place. The info I got here was a huge help to me when I finally decided to quit drinking. That was such a scary, drastic step at the time; now my only regret is that I didn't quit sooner! I have no doubt you will feel the same way, too. I know it's hard to imagine life without booze, but trust me, it's so much easier and more enjoyable without that weight hanging on me! It's just hard to see it because you're still inside the bubble of addiction, where wrong is right, up is down. It really does get better!

We can't give medical advice here, and I don't have any expertise anyway, but I'm pretty sure anti-depressants don't mix well with alcohol. Maybe talk to your doc about it? Hopefully it will be a moot point soon anyway. You're going to be so grateful you took this step!
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Old 02-10-2013, 04:31 PM
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Wow ! Instant contact. That feels pretty amazing. God bless the Internet. I remember a friend saying to me the fear is Bc you've always had it. It's your back up to anger,worry and also happiness , celebration. So the fear is how to deal with that stuff alone , without your mate alcohol there. In terms of support my doctor was pretty cool he gave me a voucher for 800$ of any therapy I choose. He suggested psychotherapist to address old issues. So I just have to make the call and book an appointment. I just feel like I'm in a haze where nothing is real and I'm looking down observing myself. I feel rediculous. I'm an intelligent woman who is making a joke of herself and there is a certain part that doesn't care. Thanks for listening to me it's amazing xx
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Old 02-10-2013, 04:40 PM
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Welcome Seiceps,
You obviously want change Seeing your doctor and scheduling therapy are excellent decisions. Many of us drank to cope with "stuff" and have learned new ways to cope. Please keep posting and reading here.
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Old 02-10-2013, 04:41 PM
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Originally Posted by Seiceps View Post
I remember a friend saying to me the fear is Bc you've always had it... I feel rediculous. I'm an intelligent woman who is making a joke of herself and there is a certain part that doesn't care.

Again, all very normal—that feeling of being conflicted. Part of us wanting to change, part of us fearing it, and a part that feels apathetic.There's a school of thought called AVRT, to which I subscribe, that attributes certain feelings to the addiction itself, down in the primitive parts of the brain. The addiction has a survival drive of its own, in fact it essentially is a survival drive, so yeah, you can expect waves of fear coming from it at the mere mention of quitting...

Also, keep in mind that alcohol is a powerful depressant. No one arrives at this point skipping and humming (that comes later ). The internet was a lifeline to me; it was a revelation to discover so many people had been through the same thing. That fact alone was very reassuring.
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Old 02-10-2013, 04:51 PM
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Welcome Seiceps! I'm so glad you've reached out for help. We all understand how you feel - we've been there too. You aren't alone anymore.

I was drinking 24/7 when I found SR. It took me awhile to actually stop all together, but the things I read here helped me gather the courage to lay it down. I was so afraid to let go of it, even though it was slowly killing me. I promise you can kick it out of your life and have a new beginning. Stick with us - we want to help.
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Old 02-10-2013, 04:52 PM
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I felt the SAME way. Trust me. Over and over again, I tried ways to control/quit. Terrible relationships because of my lies, drinking/driving, losing jobs, depression, anxiety, dependance on booze. I never felt lower and actually wanted to die.

That was 105 days ago. I've been sober 105 days! Wanna know what worked for me? I detoxed in a hospital. I lost my job. I made a committment to try AA since it's worked for millions of people. I went to 90 meetings in 90 days and got a sponsor. I know some people hate AA, and I used to hate it, but this time, it's been working miracles for me and I cannot explain how a meeting a day does this but it does, for me. I'm working the steps, got a weekly therapy appt with an addictions specialist and I'm on anti-anxiety meds and sleep meds and anti-craving meds. (when you drink on the meds, it makes you worse...think about that while taking the meds the doc gave you).

This is just what worked so far for me. This is the longest I've been sober yet, so maybe give it a try? It's really hard in the beginning...I so didn't want or feel like doing the AA thing...didn't get it, but I did it anyway.
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Old 02-10-2013, 04:56 PM
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That 'other voice' is your addiction, it won't want you to let go...but for yourself, your girls, your relationship and your sanity you have to.
There is lots of support here, and we all started at day one
You have nothing to lose and everything to gain seiceps.
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Old 02-10-2013, 05:05 PM
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Gotta say the idea of aa makes me pretty nauseous. ( another denial ? ) reality is it scares the crap out of me. I think ringing and making the appt with the therapist is the next good move to make. Just have to pick up the phone. God 😳
Here's a question :does anyone just stop eating when they drink ? That's been my m. O for last few weeks. Went to my sisters other night had a bit of weed and ate three plates of food like a starving person ! I know I should I just can't face it. Me ! A chef ?!!! Cigerettes are being consumed in high dose though. And does everyone think why ? Why me ? Why couldn't I just be like everyone else.
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Old 02-10-2013, 05:11 PM
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Yep... often, would love to be a one glass person but i'm not. Some just don't seem wired that way do they?...Oh well, best we figured that out now than in another 20yrs time?
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Old 02-10-2013, 05:37 PM
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I wouldn't rely on your man to come back if you've been verbally abusing him. And if he's physically abusive, it's probably best that he stays away. I don't know what your financial situation is, but you could perhaps use this time to focus on yourself and your children.

I too was a normal drinker in my younger years. Most people drank. I continued to the point of health problems. In recent decades I wouldn't consider myself a party animal, but when other friends stepped it down to an occasional event, I didn't. It's predominantly a solitary occupation and just to feel comfortable in my skin. Not for "fun".

I look back on my early drinking career when I would hitch hike around and not even think about beer until evening when I would purchase a 6 pack of Budweiser and maybe drink three of them. Those days are so long gone that it almost seems like a different person.
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Old 02-10-2013, 05:49 PM
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Welcome Seiceps! I think everyone has felt "why me"-you are not alone. You will read some amazing stories here of people who felt just like you do now, and have come away from the abyss just fine. It sounds like you are ready to make an effort to change things around. There are so many roads to recovery, and you can explore them here. AA works for many. For me, AVRT was the one I could relate to the best. The 24/7 nature of SR is great too. People are very supportive here. You may find it a huge relief to realize what you're going through is common.

The only one who can change things is you. Your kids are a really good reason to turn it around now. Being present as their parent is so important, especially going into the teen years. You may have to make some tough decisions re your relationship, it doesn't sound healthy for you. Good luck!!
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Old 02-10-2013, 06:20 PM
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Originally Posted by Seiceps View Post
Why couldn't I just be like everyone else.
I used to ask the same question myself. After a few relapses with drug addiction and more recently becoming a binge drinker, here's what I came to conclude:

Most of those "normal" people out there who don't drink and drug got their own issues...you just don't know about them. Tons of folks got problems with psychiatric issues, sex/gambling addictions, anger problems, addicted to exercise or physical fitness or can't manage money and under a ton of debt and financial woes etc.

You'd shudder if you knew what all kinds of crap all the normal people are struggling with. For some reason in our society addiction and alcoholism seems to put you in a separate class or whatever. But let me tell you, there are a lot of people and families who are living miserable lives behind closed doors to issues they keep in the closet that aren't drug or alcohol related.

Maybe a spouse has cheated, the wife has an eating disorder or anorexia, the dad spends all the spare money in gambling online or buying porn etc. It's rampant, it just doesn't make the news or get talked about in the employee lounges etc.

So don't beat yourself up, at least you are aware of your problem and have taken steps to fix things...which is a lot more than many normal people will ever even think about.
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Old 02-10-2013, 07:48 PM
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Welcome to SR Seiceps

D
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Old 02-10-2013, 08:33 PM
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Welcome Seiceps - for me, the key was trying something new, as what I was doing wasn't working. I use a combination of AA + SR + working with other alcoholics, but there are other methods that work too (as others have said).

Hopefully, by reading SR, you get the idea that (1) you are not alone, (2) others have been through the same problems as you, and (3) people have stopped drinking and built satisfying lives and healthy relationships.

I am an alcoholic and can't drink. I also know that I will transfer my addiction really easily if I'm not careful to other things (some ok like exercise and some not so good like eating or working incessantly). So, I have to work at it.

I work on my addiction every day and in doing this, I've learned a lot of new things about myself. I appreciate the new tools I've learned and now can combat most of the voices that tell me it is ok to drink. I find that it never goes away completely, but it is much more manageable after you get some time sober.

We all believe in you and want you to be successful. But, don't try it alone. Reach out to others. Take care.
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Old 02-10-2013, 09:48 PM
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Wow. Blown away by your thoughtful responses. I will investigate the suggestions made. I don't know if its normal but I almost feel silly that I've written on here and people have cared enough to respond. Bc at the moment I don't seem to care enough about myself to Warrent strangers from around the world to care. Anyway I got up , had a shower, ate something and made the kids dinner. A slight improvement on being in bed all day. Joining this site and reading your lovely responses has made me feel better. It's not that I don't have support from friends , I do, but the difference is hearing from people who feel/ felt like I do. In New Zealand we say Kia kaha. It means stay strong. Kia kaha people
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