Wow ! Instant contact. That feels pretty amazing. God bless the Internet. I remember a friend saying to me the fear is Bc you've always had it. It's your back up to anger,worry and also happiness , celebration. So the fear is how to deal with that stuff alone , without your mate alcohol there. In terms of support my doctor was pretty cool he gave me a voucher for 800$ of any therapy I choose. He suggested psychotherapist to address old issues. So I just have to make the call and book an appointment. I just feel like I'm in a haze where nothing is real and I'm looking down observing myself. I feel rediculous. I'm an intelligent woman who is making a joke of herself and there is a certain part that doesn't care. Thanks for listening to me it's amazing xx