Been there and done that, hamsammich. In the past I could stay sober for stretches, but I wasn't happy, and I was always planning my next drunk. I wanted to be sober, knew I needed to be sober, but that nagging voice in my head was relentlessly telling me to drink. And every unpleasant emotion seemed amplified. Someone would would cut me off in traffic and that voice would scream, "Dammit, I need a drink!"
Reading around and participating in these forums I've learned more about why I have that voice, what it is, and how it operates. That knowledge has given me new tools in coping with that voice. He hasn't gone away, but he doesn't bother me nearly so much as he once did.
Best of Luck!