Thank you Outonalimb, that gave me some strength.
I guess the most most discouraging thing (apart from impending worsening financial states) is my mother. I counted on her as an ally, and she threw me under the bus at this meeting saying my AH is like a son to her and beaming at him. She was more pro AH than his own parents. She called my judgment into question when I mentioned SR, and said that it was probably full of extreme people saying extreme things and she would be more comfortable if I just went to Alanon(whose attendees wouldn't give me those crazy fears of husband). I obviously am incapable at judging the credibility of my media, har har.
Mom's got issues. Not the first time I've ended up under the bus when she said I could count on her. She resents me for a couple of things and won't talk about it. She abused me when I was a child in a similar way.
But she's my mom, and I hoped for some respite. My closest friends live elsewhere. I don't want to burden my local less-close friends with this information at this stage. I'm pretty alone. It's a little scary. I have to buy a used car for the first time, seek out a roommate for the first time since college. Withstand the extreme disappointment of in-laws and family alike. Look like the bad guy. Le sigh.