I use the term high-functioning based on High-functioning alcoholic from Wikipedia in that I have been able to sustain a high-level of achievement despite my binge drinking. I have always been employed and am considered an expert in my field. My career is very important to me and I don't want to lose it. I also was a division 1 college football player. I think it is part of the reason I have been stubborn about this issue. Solving problems and being someone who knows their stuff is part of what I am good at. Alcohol is definitely a baffling and sneaky foe, the reality I found is that the problem of "controlling your drinking" isn't a solvable problem. I understand now what people mean when they say you can't have any at all. The only way to solve the problem is to realize you have to give up the desire to control it. If that makes sense.
I also didn't drive, I was on foot. It really doesn't make it any less of an issue.
I however, don't think this make me any more able to control alcohol in my life. Watching both my parents descend into alcoholism after they retired was a big wake up call and that combined with the last couple of incidents have made it clear to me I am an alcoholic.
I am also seeing a therapist who initially introduced me to AA a few years ago, but I was still in denial. I remember thinking about this same thing a couple of years ago after a wild night out with friends. At that point, the idea of never having another drink for the rest of my life was something I was very resistant to. Now I can honestly say that I am OK with that thought.
All in all I want to be the best person I can be and hopefully have a life I am proud of. I have always been someone people have looked to that did the right thing and I have take responsibility for myself and I think AA is the right way for me to do that. I am still full of anxiety and a bit fearful of the future, but I understand what "one day at a time" means and it makes it easier to think that way.