Set back
I've not visited the forum for a while - I've been busy trying to move on and make an effort to meet new people, joined a photography club and moving on but today I had a set back.
Bizarrely, last night I had a dream that my XABF got a 12 months sentence for DUI (he recently had a court hearing that was postponed for the third time). I hadn't really thought about it but clearly it was on my subconscious.
Today, I went to see my brother who recently fractured his neck. He's been really lucky but he has a long recovery ahead of him and he's in a upper body cast so really bored so we went for lunch and to see a film. The one he wanted to see was too long to sit through and the other one he wanted to see was Flight. I knew a little about it - I thought the main character had a drink problem but I didn't realise how much of a focus was on it in the film as I hadn't seen the trailer.
It was very good - too good in fact. Denzel Washington played being drunk perfectly, and all the stuff associated with it was really close to the bone. Some scenes were so accurate that it took me back to last year and my XABF's drinking and lies, and attempts to stop and was really uncomfortable viewing.
I felt really bad when I came out of the cinema as I had clearly been crying so I was a bit down and we didn't really talk about the film and I just went home. It just brought everything back up and I thought I was doing well. It made me think about my XABF again, feel sad he didn't want to get help, wonder what might have been if he'd wanted to stop. All the usual what ifs.. but not in a hopeful way, just resigned to the fact it wasn't to be.
I'd like to start dating and move on but I haven't met anyone and I worry if I react like this to a film, it is always going to get to me and how will I explain that to someone I start a relationship with, if I do meet anyone? It's been eight months since we split up but I feel like I'm only just beginning to recover from the period before we split when the drinking was at it's worst as well as the break up itself, if that makes sense?
Sorry for a vent - I was hoping to come back to the forum when I was more sorted, to hopefully give some support/insight to others like I have been helped but then something happens and I feel a bit of a mess again.
Thanks for reading.