Anon12

I've not visited the forum for a while - I've been busy trying to move on and make an effort to meet new people, joined a photography club and moving on but today I had a set back.

Bizarrely, last night I had a dream that my XABF got a 12 months sentence for DUI (he recently had a court hearing that was postponed for the third time). I hadn't really thought about it but clearly it was on my subconscious.

Today, I went to see my brother who recently fractured his neck. He's been really lucky but he has a long recovery ahead of him and he's in a upper body cast so really bored so we went for lunch and to see a film. The one he wanted to see was too long to sit through and the other one he wanted to see was Flight. I knew a little about it - I thought the main character had a drink problem but I didn't realise how much of a focus was on it in the film as I hadn't seen the trailer.

It was very good - too good in fact. Denzel Washington played being drunk perfectly, and all the stuff associated with it was really close to the bone. Some scenes were so accurate that it took me back to last year and my XABF's drinking and lies, and attempts to stop and was really uncomfortable viewing.

I felt really bad when I came out of the cinema as I had clearly been crying so I was a bit down and we didn't really talk about the film and I just went home. It just brought everything back up and I thought I was doing well. It made me think about my XABF again, feel sad he didn't want to get help, wonder what might have been if he'd wanted to stop. All the usual what ifs.. but not in a hopeful way, just resigned to the fact it wasn't to be.

I'd like to start dating and move on but I haven't met anyone and I worry if I react like this to a film, it is always going to get to me and how will I explain that to someone I start a relationship with, if I do meet anyone? It's been eight months since we split up but I feel like I'm only just beginning to recover from the period before we split when the drinking was at it's worst as well as the break up itself, if that makes sense?

Sorry for a vent - I was hoping to come back to the forum when I was more sorted, to hopefully give some support/insight to others like I have been helped but then something happens and I feel a bit of a mess again.

Thanks for reading.

LexieCat

I don't think it's that unusual to have a bit of a "flashback" when you are strongly reminded of something. I would have those feelings when I heard certain songs that reminded me of him, or of the situation.

It doesn't last forever. Sometimes something will still remind me, but I get that kind of bittersweet feeling that you get after you get through grieving a loss. It doesn't throw me off too much, and I don't dwell in it very long. I get sad that he didn't experience the miracle of recovery, but I'm sure glad I did, and so many others have.

Crazed

I know what you mean about the movie Flight. On the day my EXAG moved out, to avoid the movers I went and saw 2 movies- flight being one of them. I had no idea of the extent of his addiction. While I was watching his life fall apart, I was sitting and thinking about what I had been through with EXAG and thought about the irony of things.

...then cryed like a woman when I left.

bamboo10

My moms best friend told us to cone over last night during the storm (they live a block away) and watch this movie flight with them. Thank god I had read about it on here and i declined. My mom texted me later last night and said she was so glad I didn't go Bc It would have upset me. I'm so glad I had heard what it was about from sr.

Crazed

I actually wish my EXAG would see it...

Argnotthisagain

I'm having a hard time today too and really feeling it, if that's any consolation?

I also wish I were further along and fearful that I wont ever have someone to love-------I just really relate to a lot of what you said.

When I'm really IN the pain, it feels like the pain will stay forever. Very hard not to believe that.

Thanks for writing, this too shall pass. I JUST WISH IT WOULD PASS FASTER!

Rosiepetal

Sorry for your setback & upset.
Glad you could come to SR & vent though.
It sounds like your doing really well though & have made great progress in your recovery.
Just keep doing what your doing.
Hugs, :ghug3

Anon12

I thought that at one point during the film but then during this scene with coke that is meant to be funny I guess (don't want to ruin it for those who do want to see it) made me realise he would be laughing like the rest of the audience but not seeing any link with him.

So sad and frustrating. At least I'm not exhausted anymore from spending so much energy trying to get him to see he has a serious problem.

Anon12

It is a consolation although I wouldn't wish anyone else to be feeling this but thank you - think it's hard not to want to be 100% already but if you invest a lot in a relationship, and a person, and it doesn't come out, I guess it takes time to work through that otherwise we can't have cared that much?

iamthird

I watched this last night at home as well! Flight was really good and I balled!!! I had no idea it was related to alcoholism at all. There were so many moments that were real to me.

ODAT63

I saw this movie with my fiance "normie", and he knew it upset me, however; it was a good reminder of the crazyness of the addiction. I cried when I got home and next day I felt relief, I prayed for my AXH and for me and then I said a gratitude prayer for me. I think we do need to be reminded of the pain sometimes because I tend to only remember the "good times" and that is just an illusion.