two different scenarios:
(1) I forgave the xabf for his actions as I had educated myself about the disease. I realised he was responsible for his own actions & path in life. I forgave, let go & the anger disappeared.
(2) I received a lot of mental abuse by substance abuse x husband. I was majorly affected by the abuse but one day many years later I erupted on the phone to him because he was telling my kids I was an alcoholic which was totally untrue & was putting me down to my children. I exploded on the phone & everything I had ever wanted to say but was too afraid to came out. You know what? Our relationship strengthened after that & he became more helpful. The anger lessoned. As for the x best mate that my husband ran off with, I forgave her in the beginning but she continued to do bad things & when she took my house after stating she would never do that that was the last straw. This was a women who when her marriage broke up came to me & I provided food & shelter for her kids & she in turn took my husband. To this day I still have anger for her. She has not parented my kids well either. The reason I'm telling this story is because I was ready to forgive but the fact remains that this once friend does not have morals like mine. She continued to push bad into my life. So you see, I have expectations of how people treat their friends & in this case I feel my expectations are not set too high & that they should be in place, I remain to have anger for her & I will never forgive her.
Hope this makes sense.